Braja Hotel - Life Archive 2005

The Nova corporation, for teaching english in japan, finally replied. I've been accepted! so wierd and cool and scary. dunno what to do. i was kinda hoping they'd make things easy and not accept me. but now i have some huuuuge decisions to make. esp cause i still have an interview with Aeon on Dec.8. ug. but i need to reply to NOVA by Nov.24@.@...on top of that i have some job possiblility with a japanese company in chicago. the company that was helping before told me about it. but the dumbasses ask the same Q's and tell me i need japanese certificate-_-. theyre gonna call me soon. i'm sure they'll tell me, as usual, that my japanese isnt good enough. ah well. i have enough things to worry about. also wanna try to get a job with my bro's company again too. but dunno what to do since nova already accepted me.

the scariest thing of all, though, is deciding if i should really go to japan. it's a whole freakin year! i know that doesn't sound like much. but its really sad. leaving family and friends. when i come back, the few friends i still have in BG will have graduated and be gone><. sucks! and i'll be even more lonely and lost. plus my bro will have already been living in his new house for about 10 months. so i miss the move-in. heh. and wont be that exciting. still the friends thing is what scares me the most. Ivy will probably graduate and move to hong kong or something=/. shizuka will probably be gone. zoey i'm sure will graduate and get the heck out as fast as possible. ha. yuki and the other japanese girls will of course be back in japan. and i'll miss xmas and other holidays with my family next yr. dunno. although a lot of good stuff could happen by going to japan, i know a lot of bad shit may too. it's a huge gamble and a huge life decision. whatever i choose will completely change my life for sure. *sigh*. so frustrating. i dont have much left here. don't wanna lose what little i have...

funny it really is like gambling. its like i only have a little $ left. i can bet it all and try to win big, or try to be safe and bet little by little. either way i can still win or lose. japan is a big bet: win big or lose a lot. staying here to job hunt is playing safe. it will help me succeed little by little, but still may not. what should i do with my chips (gambling chips of course. ha)? any suggestions?

other than that, these last 2 days have been ok. been getting calls and stuff and work helped calm my crazy days too. work is kinda stressful of course but also kinda fun. and awesome i get free coffee whenever i want whenever i'm working. ha. so crazy. i'll probably get sick of it. ha. lotta info to remember for the job though. it's pretty intense. 8-10 days of training or something. anyway so far so good, but i work in a couple hrs. dunno if it'll be the same today. heh. still it's soo nice to be making $ again. and the people there are nice. its fucking freezing though. ha. small store with 2 doors always opening.

Ok, this weeks been fucking horrible mentally. it's been so bad that i wanted to update this but was affraid or couldnt decide what to type. but i still cant. heh. oh well just gonna ramble, so whatever...

so the weekend fucking sucked. i was having wierd feelings all weekend and didnt know why. then friday or whenever, i was taking a short nap and i had some kinda dream that something happened to ivy and i couldnt do anything. in the dream, i called her and she was screaming or something and the phone hungup. then i realized i was too far away to help...then i woke up. ha. but then i tried calling her in real life and there was no answer@.@. thats wierd cause she always answers. even if its just to say "i'll call you later". finally i text messaged her and got a reply. she was at the club-_-. ha i'm stupid. but still felt wierd. and she still never called back. then all weekend it was like that. she was never around and never calling back. usually she does, so had me feeling wierd. esp since so many other wierd things happened this weekend.

on sat or sunday i was expecting to go see a movie with my brother. of course he and leah picked the one movie i really didnt wanna see (jarhead). gosh i wish i didnt go. movies never screw me up. i always seperate reality from fiction. so i never ever have problems with movies, no matter what they are. but this one got to me. it SUCKED. it had no point, no storyline, and everything they showed reminded me of things that piss me off. i could ramble about that too but i will control myself a little bit and shutup about at least one thing. ha. anyway, the main reason the movie fucked me up, though, is because most bad shit happens cause the main character is off at war and alone all the time. but even he had other guys to hangout with. I'm losing my mind! cause i'm stuck at home. even my parents i only see for like 2 hrs a day at most. i'm alone 22 hrs a day! completely alone. i'm going fucking crazy. thats another reason i'm freaking out that ivy isnt calling. she's the only one who talks to me each day (poor girl. ha). but if i talk to her (or anyone) for 5 minutes and i'm totally fine. but not talking to anyone everyday is killing me. i miss BG soooooo much. i hate living at home. then since i'm freaking out, it freaks her out i'm sure. of course she's busy. geez. i'm acting like an idiot. i can control it for 20 hrs, but at the end of the day i start to lose it. heh. so sorry!

sure i'm gonna start work tomorrow, but thats not the same. its good i get to meet and talk to people, but theyre all in high school and even if i wanted to hangout theyd just wanna go to clubs or stuff. arg. still it'll be better than this i guess. but gosh i miss my friends soo much. i hate this pain. i'm lonelier than ever. and low confidence since i havent gotten a job in a whole fucking year. geeeez. i cant believe i'm as strong as i am. i held out soo long without going crazy like i am right now. i'm sure i'll be better tomorrow, but oh well. maybe i'll delete this post then. ha=P.

btw, i think its ironic that people are always gone when i need them the most. this week has been crazy and lotsa annoying bad shit has been happening. but whenever bad shit happens, theres nobody to help or talk to. fuck. i'm insanely independent. i can do anything myself cause thats what i always do. but i hate being independent. shit. someone help me out sometime...oh and i also found it ironic that when i have a job, i lose the rest of my life. nevermind, cant even begin to explain that one.

ug i wish i had something better to write about, but this is exactly how my week has been. just bored, lonely, and crazy. so nothing else to write. oh well-_-. hope tomorrow is a better day. sorry everyone. thanks for listening (if you actually read the whole crazy-ass post).

back from chicago now. nice to be settled down again. all the driving was insane! i hate driving in cities-_-. heh. had a lot more to complain about but not worth it now=P heh. the interview with NOVA went ok i guess. dunno. was wayyyy too tired to have any confidence though. so that sucked. the information section went ok but the personal interviews SUCKED. the nice girl in charge turned into a freeky bitch. i maybe did ok but that was really tough. she was vicious. then when it was over she acted really nice again-_-. ha. oh well at least she seemed pleased with my actual teaching technique. but doubt she was impressed with my answers to her crazy Q's. i said some dumbass shit. oh well, i'll findout within the next 3 weeks if i did good or not.

interview with AEON is dec.8 but sounds way harder. they want me to prepare a 15 min lesson plan and present 5 min of it to the group@.@...i've never taught. sheesh. and dunno if theyre better than NOVA. i hear so many good and bad things about both groups. so confused...ah well. just gonna try both i guess and see what happens.

chicago was great. ate at the restaurant that invented chicago style pizza. it wasnt spectacular but it was good and different and interesting. went to mitsuwa too! the japanese market. i ate real ramen again. mmmm. heh. and got buncha good food and drinks of course. as well as more manga for translating for my sub group. other than the craziness the trip was great. so shocked we got to all the places we wanted too. heh. so thats good. the girls seemed to have fun too, so thats good.

i need $ sooooooooo bad now. i've never been in this bad a situation maybe. heh sucks so bad. bank account is empty and credit card is loaded. and dont start my part-time job till next wed now-_-. so probably dont get paid for another 2-3 weeks. ug. so horrible. and xmas is coming too. arg. as usual so much dumb shit happens all at once. got buncha job interviews, starting other jobs, no $, gotta decide if i'm going to japan, xmas, etc etc etc. *sigh*...ah well one day at a time. i really gotta get busy and be friggin productive. wanna learn more flash, start translating manga to prepare for next initial D eps, and...um...forget what else. anyway need to be more productive. and gotta figure out a way to make more $. hmmm...ha.

Nov. 1, 2005 (7:00pm) - Busy but I should update...btw its my 50th post!..i think. heh.

well a lots been going on. too busy to update but i have to cause i hate taking too long. even though nobody visits much, i still wanna have something interesting, or at least new, for them.

my initial d subtitling totally blew up. i became famous overnight. ha. me and my partner have had over 100,000 downloads for our most recent episodes and everyone is talking about us on different webpages and forums. on our irc channel (dorky msger program thats like chat room for nerds. ha) there are like over 100 people a day. its such a cool experience. and so nice hearing people being so kind and appreciative. thanks for the support everyone!...its also good japanese practice, too, of course. and great to put on a resume.

i had an interview with starbucks and begin working nov.14. so i FINALLY have a job, even though its only part-time. oh well, its $ at least. but they have a lot of cool stuff for employees! if you work just 20 hrs a week you can get full benefits! health insurance, stock options, etc. plus a pound of free coffee each week, and from 30 min before a shift, until 30 min after your shift, you can have as many free drinks as you want! and best of all: if you cant get enough hrs at your store, you can work at any other starbucks that has an opening in their schedule. even if you go on vacation and want to pick up some hours at a local starbucks you can. soooo COOL! ha. wonder if that includes japan=P. but that'd be crazy working in crazy environment and having to speak super proper and polite japanese and understand everything@.@ ha crazy. still it should be cool. even if the job sucks, though, i can have $ for xmas and other stuff.

this week is my interview with nova. still so wierd. totally dunno what itll be like going to japan. wanna go but dont wanna of course. ah well, i'm not worrying much. i'll figure life out as it happens. so, we'll see...

other than, dunno what else is new. oh, i made more fun flash stuff for the site, but i cant put it up till later. i got wayyyy better then the stupid test in my last post. haha. anyway check back sometime for that. not till after this week though. im in bg till after chicago (nova interview). cant wait to go to chicago again. heh. hope my car will be ok for such a long trip, though@.@. and hope ivy doesnt get sickXD.

ug. this week i've been thinking a lot again. just wierd cause i've been doing much better. really don't care about anything in life anymore. so these random moments of thinking too much dont happen a lot, till this week. so kinda sucks. doing better now but really gotta control that. nobody i can talk to about it. well, even if there is, i dont really wanna talk to anyone. sucks being independent again. ha. ah well. i'm sure itll pass soon. it always does...

anyway the week was fun. halloween was crazy. ivy was dressing like a zombie, but i never wanna dress up unless i can think of something clever. but i ended up using her makeup too, and became a zombie also, because i feel stupid i'm always crazy, but never crazy when other people want me to be. so i figured, what the heck, i'll have some fun. but, as i was affraid, we were the only people dressed up-_-. ha. then, since i became the driver for everyone (as usual) i decided i should wash my face off so i dont scare anyone. haha. zombie driver doesn't make people very comfortable i'm sureXD. some exchange students pissed me off, though...i really dont like europeans much now. sorry to anyone who is european, i just always see and meet crappy/annoying ones. so sorry if i have wrong opinions. anyway, first they started by asking me (more like ordering me) to take them somewhere. i said "sure after i wash my face". then while i was washing my face they told me theyre late so hurry up and stuff. i just met the bastards! geez. can ya be a little more polite?? i'm doing a favor and dont even know you. quit bossing me around...i will always do favors, even for strangers, and love helping people. but i would appreciate if theyre a bit fucking nicer. aya (japanese girl) was super nice though and totally calmed me down for awhile. later they stayed at the clubs for 3 hrs when they said they'd be 30 min. i dont mind, but i couldnt sleep till ivy and emily came home. i want them to have fun, but was just annoyed nobody called or anything. still i calmed down after 10 minutes or so. then i didnt care. BUT, the european guys came home with them-_-. so i still couldnt sleep. and the fucking perverts wouldnt leave cause they kept thinking they were gonna get laid or something. the girls maybe didnt think so but i'm a guy. i can tell what other guys are thinking. and it was so fucking obvious. they kept rubbing the girls and refused to leave. geez. thats one thing i hate about europeans. they dont seem to know how to control their hormones. have some decency. maybe just cause they were drunk. again, i'm sorry if i have wrong ideas, its just personal opinion, and experiece. makes me think of the movie "divorce" i saw with ivy and shizuka. some french guy randomly left his wife and kid suddenly for some other girl and seemed to not care. ha okay i guess i shouldnt judge societies from movies either:P sorry. a million experiences though just make me...dunno. uncomfortable. thankfully, in the end, brad made them leave. so thanks to him. i personally wanted to kick their head through the wall (esp during their horny antics. ha) but i didnt wanna be a typical guy who picks fights and act like an idiot. and i never know if the girls care. if they come to me, i'll step in and do something, otherwise i feel making a scene is stupid. besides, i dont like argueing or physically hurting people unless i absolutely have to. and i'm sure brad would have started a fight before i got a chance. haha. the russian guy was at least smart and nice and apologized. that gave me a little more respect for them again. anyway it all ended ok and everyone calmed down. i guess it wasnt a very crazy night, i just havent been in college for a long time. ha. thankfully dont deal with that stuff much anymore.

well, the next day was nice. watched halloween:resurection with ivy, emily, and brad. stupid movie but just nice to hangout and watch a movie with everyone. so funny though. even though the movie is so cheesy, ivy and emily got so scared one or 2 times. haha. ivy was mostly scared cause of emily. HA=P. theyre funny. the day after that, i saw "Saw 2" with Yuki. so stupid, biaggi's AND the small theater closed early causa halloween. wtf? its not that big of a holiday! and the theater made no sense. theaters are open on xmas even. and you need to see scary movies on halloween. ha. so we went to starbucks and the expensive theater instead. still had fun. poor yuki couldnt sleep though apparantly. ha. movie was too gross. i thought it was same as the 1st movie but a bit more clever and more violent/gross. nothing special but still pretty good. i had fun though. everyday is boring and crappy, but at least getting a bit of fun each day.

wow this is one of the longest posts. ha. just cause i usually dont talk about things in detail. just give short updates. maybe i should go back to doing that instead=P..oh well. had nothing else to do. in the computer lab. besides i may not update again for awhile, so maybe good to have more to read. heh. well, till next time...take care!

k, so i started learning Flash for my website, and, more importantly, to help me more in job hunting. knowing flash is a great thing to put on a resume, so i've been practicing. i've only learned like 2 days, so i still have a lot to learn, but i'm picking it up fast. i made a quick crappy animation and wanna see what its like. here's the 1st test. i could def make it better but i kinda just added stuff as i learned. next time, i'll start from scratch with all the new stuff i learned. k heres the first silly test:

Ivy and shizuka came to cleveland this weekend. it was fun and nice. we ate at olive garden. even though i had dinner that night i still ate sooo much at olive garden, of course. heh. oh well, i had to take advantage of it. i just got soup ($4.25) and ended up eating 2 bowls (cause free refills), we got free dessert, i ate breadsticks, salad, and a great great fonduta for appetizer. so all that for just 4.25 haha. it was awesome. thank you pam!

monday i went back to bg with ivy and shizuka. we took my dads SUV so ivy could use it for driving exam, cause my car is too modified. we thought it was good cause shorter than my moms car and higher. but ended up it was too high. couldnt see cones-_-. plus too wide to fit well. and worst of all is that i forgot the visibility is like the worst i have ever seen in any car (when looking out sides and back). so we borrowed brad's car and although only practiced an hr one day, and 15 minutes the next, IVY PASSED. good job ivy! congratulations=D!!!!

we then ate at a french restaurant cause emily had a critique for class. oh my goshhhh-_-. it was...interesting. but told the story too many times so nevermind. the food was AWESOME though. well most of it. their patte(sp?) tasted exactly like oscar meyer bologna (ha), and their cheesecake was totally normal/plain i thought. i've had way too many cheesecakes though, so its hard to impress me=P. i did have probably the best meat dish in my entire life though. and i eat meat all the time. it was beef tenderloins with a mild bleu cheese on top. it was like perfect. mmmm. heh

oh, and i have an interview with NOVA! theyre the most popular english teaching company in japan. i may get to go to japan for one year (2006) to teach english in japan! but dunno yet. i'm still hoping for a job in U.S. and kinda feel wierd about going. but i know i'll probably regret it if i dont. anyway we'll see what happens. interview is next month. thats all for now.

Dunno if anyone noticed but my site has been suspended awhile. hope everyone will come back! the reason it died is cause of my new hobby job. its a job without pay. ha. i'm a translator for Initial D. from now on only 2 fansub groups will be subbing initial d and one of them is MINE. me and another guy started it.

it all began when i was subbing the newest episodes for my brother. many fans online were begging for subs too, so i let them have mine. ever since then so much has happened. my website died from everyone downloading the initial d subs. another guy from the inidial d forums (RayOvac) asked me to make a group with him, so we will be the official fansub group of Initial D! ha ok so its kinda dorky, but it's good japanese practice! and good to put on a resume or something.

anyway its good to be back. as usual a LOT has happened in my life, but too lazy to write it all. heh. oh well. i had a job interview FINALLY. and they wanted to hire me, but i didnt like the job. its door to door sales. 11am-8pm everyday walking door-to-door in a suit-_-. so yeah i skipped that one. ha. but good experience and nice to know someone wanted me. gives me much more confidence for my next interview. heh.

thats all for now. stay tuned for more pics, more updates, and for any initial d fans, the next episodes come out Oct. 15, and i'll start subbing right away! take care for now.

Spent the day at Mid-Ohio raceway yesterday. My bro's friend Wendy got us tickets. it was cool. lotsa cars and events. and we got to go backstage in the paddocks too and see all the cars and drivers up close and stuff. i got 2 hrs sleep the night before. we left at 7am and stayed there till 3:30. it was great though. lotsa fun and i actually stayed awake! ha. just cause the cars were insanely loud though. haha (racing doesnt need mufflers). anyway for all the pics, check out the gallery.

We were gonna try to go to H.I.N. (Hot Import Nights) at the IX Center at night, but were tired and it was late. plus we didnt know if they were even selling tickets still. so that sucks we missed it, but it probably sucked anyway, like last year. so oh well. at least spent whole day around cars anyway.

Oh, and today i fixed MY car!...kinda. i got it running again. it wasnt yest for some reason. anyway i will take it to get fixed completely in a couple weeks. just some stupid engine trouble again. rest of car is perfect

i guess i should update a bit. not much new. i was in bg last weekend. it was nice although i didnt really do much. but it felt sooo good being in that life again. around so many people on campus, like life just slapped me awake. ha. felt nice again...till i came home..back to the vaccuum of lifelessness...anyway, i saw sensei. we had a big laugh about my brother. i was asking for her help on jobs and mentioned my bro getting a job so fast when he got out of the military. anyway~i began telling her how he went to bg at 1st and even took her class. she wouldnt rest until she found him in the grade books. hahaa. she said "it's not good to have something unfinished" so she kept searching till she found him. ha! and then she was saying he never went to class. haha. just like him back then. he's totally opposite and different person now. oh, but sooo wierd. i knew half the people in his class! heh. they were from my yrs 1st taking japanese. 懐かしい～。...it was good seeing sensei though. and satoko too! i wish i could see them more often and practice japanese-_-.

seeing ivy was best of all though of course. though i spent most time helping her move. ha. i should be a professional mover. i move myself and/or other people at least 3 times a yr. haha. anyway, we did have a good meal at kotobuki with shizuka=). oh and we saw "mr. and mrs. smith". ha. even though i used to like both brad and angelina but dont like them much at all now, i loved the movie. it was hilarious! and cool. and i think it had so many great portrayals of relationship issues. showing things that soooooo many couples have (maybe every couple), but in an extreme and fucked up way of course. ha! but good points and good lessons. like the keys to having a great relationship, or saving a relationship, relies on trust, communication, honesty, and facing life's problems together head on...and being really attractive helps too i guess. heh...hollywood~....anyway i'm sounding like a stupid movie critic now getting into imagery and all that crap. so i'll move on...

ok nothing much to move on to. i'll update soon though. this weekend will probably do some cool stuff. stay tuned...

a lot has been going on these past couple weeks. a lot of bad shit and a buncha good shit too. too much stuff to talk about and i dont even wanna. brain hurts and too tired. its late/early whatever. just wanted to update cause its been so long....

i'm finally moved back home and settled in. hate it. gotta find a job and move out FAST ha. i like my family and all but this just sucks. need a life again. anyway im back. went to chicago for like 5 days with ivy and her family. it was really fun. wish i was more productive with jobs but we were busy and i still got some resumes in at least. but we had a lot of fun. that you so much everyone!!!!

the manual car is finally back from the shop. ha it was interesting getting used to it again. and boy i sure had a brutal 1st exam (so to speak). the ride back was crazy. all stop and go traffic, then construction, then an accident (not mine thankfully. haa). so traffic was horrible! i got really used to 1st gear. still had some problems though just cause stuck in traffic so long my brain stopped focusing for a bit. ha. soon it should hopefully become natural. did good considering the craziness. anyway now gotta clean it, get new plates and legal stuff, and make it quieter!! but need $ for that. heh. and i'd spend it on fixing my good car 1st=P.

i was watching tv just now, late late night tv. ha. and there was some cool rerun show about tuner cars. they had a segment on drifting. FEMALE drifting=D! ha i stopped everything i was doing to watch. it was about a team i heard of before called 'Drifting Pretty' haha. and theyre HOT. i cant believe. in japanese magazines and videos i've seen dozens and dozens of japanese female drifters but out of all of them only 1 or 2 were kinda cute. but the drifting pretty team has at least 3 really cute girls! ha (go asian americans. ha). esp the leader/founder (nadine)! she isnt as cute on the website but in the video she was really cute/hot. in her interview and esp seeing her drift and then take off her helmet. haha. sexy. she kinda reminds me of Maggie Q...ANYWAY...my point in all this is that any girls should check out their site!!!! you should try to learn to drift! heh. i recommend it to any girl. guaranteed way to get guys. hahaa=P...check out their site at:

they seem excited and willing to help any girl get into drifting. thats awesome. way better than guys in america. they just trash talk and argue with each other pretending they are expert drifters, although very very few people really know anything-_-. guys (that includes me of course) are retarded. ha. even me. i will say now, though, that i know a lot about drifting but cannot drift (cause i never drove a proper [rear wheel drive] drift car). i can drive front wheel drive automatic cars better than most people however. heh. and what i do are 'power slides', seldom 'drifts'. ok ok enough maleness. anyway~go for it ladies. seems cool. may be hard though cause the team is on the west coast...of course-_-. dunno the details though. i was too distracted looking at the girls so i didnt read much on the site. ha=P

ok thats all for now. damn tired. more soon (now that i have time again). later.

well i gave my official 2 weeks notice at work the other day. next week i'll spend the whole week moving. guess its official for now. my bg life is over><. sucks. so wierd but ill really miss this life. hate moving back in with parents. i like my family, just dont like living with them. plus gonna miss all my friends and a buncha other stuff=/. ah well. maybe only temporary. who knows whatll happen once i get a fulltime job. also i've been looking more into places like nova and amity for teaching in japan. seems really tempting.

although i fixed my car a bit last weekend im still too worried to drive it cause dont wanna make the engine worse. i found out its in dangerous condition. hoperully will fix it soon. rest of the car is great at least. anyway, so i borrowed my moms car. was driving back in the rain going the speed limit, when all 4 tires lost traction and it began to spin. i saved it. thankfully i've had enough practice sliding cars (heh) but still was pretty freaky i was in the middle lane, but once i lost traction, i was at a 45 degree angle down the right dotted line, then 45 down the left, and somehow lined it back straight in the center lane again within a couple seconds. whew!, all while going around 70mph@.@. so yeah that kinda sucked. and although its good im used to controlling cars in slides that still coulda ended really bad. lucky i guess this time. but that shows how important things like tires are. my moms car is nowhere near as bad as many peoples'. yet still soooo many people drive super fast in crappy cars. argh scares the shit outta me! they dont understand that going straight is easy, but the slightest problem and they (and anyone else on the road) are in big trouble. i cant believe so many people are so cheap and uncaring and know nothing about cars. i mean, these things hold your life in their hands! most likely there will never be a product that is more in control of a persons safety. yet still people are retarded. guess all some people care about is going from point A to point B faster. ah well.

me and my bro talked about how people should spend a year learning how to drive. ha. classes should be super complex, and involve things like beginning driving, advanced, and pro race level. also there should be classes so people can learn about their cars (at very least how to change a tire and stuff@.@). people should experience driving multiple cars (rear wheel, 4wd, fwd, manual, automatic, etc.). they should also learn how cars feel if you put on better parts and how each effects driving. they should learn to drive in all types of weather. also, everytime someone gets a new car, they should be tested on that car. or, if not tested, there should at least be tracks open for them to test it anytime they want, so they can learn the car's limits in a controlled environment.

all that sounds crazy maybe, but i think there would be thousands less accidents each year. plus everyone would be comfortable and confident after finishing learning. no more fear of driving for the 1st time. cause after all that you'd be like a professional driver. ha. anyway maybe someday i'll try to pass the law through congres. hahaaa=P.

anyway the unsafe driving stuff makes me miss my car sooo much. next week my parents are takin a trip or something so i'll have their cars. gotta use the SUV anyway to carry stuff back to cleveland and whatnot. soon my other car will be fixed too (the manual shift car). that should be fun. sadly that might have to be my daily driver for awhile. till i have $ to bring my car back to glorious life. *sigh* ah well. all in time..all in time.

yesterday was awesome! well first it was horrible. felt like crap. not sick, just like crap. i wasted half the day. slept till like 5. only thing i did was mow the lawn at ivy's. so till 530 or so things sucked. felt so lazy and worthless. but then wierd thing happened. it rained. big big rain storm when i woke up..so i went for a drive. cars were pulled over to the side of the road, the ones that were still on the road were swerving around or going super super slow. i think probably a train was stuck somewhere judging by lines at the track. what was i doing though? i was in my car, going full force. it was greattt!!!! felt sooooo good. after months of problems repairing the car, and months of other drivers being assholes. after so long, finally the road belonged to me and my car. nobody else. it was sooo relaxing and fun. i love my car! i really dunno why all the traffic was having such a hard time. my car never missed a beat. even in the rain and everything i felt in total control. never went less than the speed limit. when i was away from traffic i pushed it even harder. everyone else, all those other POS drivers who think they know how to drive, who simply use their car to go from point A to point B. now they were stuck in the middle. and there i was. no more stupid people trying to race me. no more annoying people saying things about my car. it was finally my time. just me, my car, and the road. gosh that made me feel good. BG was our playground. heh.

it was after that, that i got really productive. turned in a buncha resumes and did other stuff. oh and today i saw satoko in panera! we talked a long time in japanese. she kept saying i was really good and she was so surprised. ha. but of course normal conversation is easy. business conversation is a whole new world@.@. but by the end of the conversation my japanese was getting really bad. haha. my brain hurt. totally lost momentum. she may help me thurs or fri more though^^. thatll be cool

anyway~~times running out on a lot of things. lease is ending soon and have to decide where i'll live and what to do about work. ivy'll be back soon, summer is ending, etc etc. whew. damn. and feels like i'm going totally nowhere.

i did a lot of stuff this last week. but too tired to think or type about it. worked on car, saw nick and gerbs, went home, saw "fantastc 4", worked, etc etc. anyway i need to get focused on stuff again. need to catch up with life so its not kicking my ass as much anymore.. i'll be glad to see everyone once summer is over at least.

finally been back in a big japanese mood lately. mainly cause of a drama series ive been watching. kinda funny, i bet all japanese people and most anime/japanese drama lovers would totally make fun of me cause this is probably an old series and actually i think it was on tv when i was in japan. ha! anyway the series is called "H2" and its about baseball. i borrowed from jieuns roommate. anyway the series is so addictive! i never like dramas or tv series but this is really cool. better than "stay at home dad" and the few others i actually enjoyed watching. and wierd i like it and its about baseball. it has some of the coolest japanese guys i've ever seen. ha. and the main girl is realllllyyy cute. shes a bit chubby but has like a perfect face and cute voice. and like all 20 some characters are really interesting and all unique.

anyway i can understand almost all of it. its great japanese practice! now i understand how tekla learned japanese so fast. haha. i just never had anything that was interesting enough to really pay attention to. and even better is that theres no english so i have to listen and pay close attention to the japanese. learning with subtitles is good but eventually you rely too much on them. but if its something that isnt interesting then japanese is really hard to learn. this is ideal. i finally understand. its like being a kid again. learn so fast cause brain needs/wants to learn and understand.

i really wanna find english subtitles though! cause i think my dad would enjoy it since its about baseball. and cause its really interesting. and maybe ivy would enjoy it (though she said she wouldnt-_-. ha). so if anyone knows where i can get eng subtitles please let me know!

unfortunately, watching that, and other shows, plus looking at old pics from last year, is making me miss japan soooooo much! i need to go back so bad! part of me wishes i stayed there like tekla. my dumbass thought i should come back to america so i can graduate and get a job and everything. i thought that by now i'd have enough $ and i thought i was gonna already be back to japan by now...but its been a whole year already-_-. and i'm here, on my ass, with no job and no $. i dont care about being poor. its actually kinda interesting. a whole new lifestyle. its funny. plus i know it wont last forever. anyway thats not the issue, i'm just hating how quickly time is passing. not worried about getting what i need, just worried about getting it too late. not just japan, but everything. ah well. all i can do is move forward. guess all this isnt too frustrating after all. just momentary thinking. just a brief complaint as i move on my way. ha. thanks for listening

well of course its 4th of july. decided not to go see fireworks. cause annoying fighting crowds. plus nobody to go with...miss ivy. last yr was great, sitting in the trunk of my car in strongsville ha. oh well. well i got back to bg and saw them anyway cause could see them from my apt building. ha. stupid flat bg. can probably see the fireworks from 50 miles away-_-. well it was better than the yr i went with mai and her family. haha that SUCKED. only like 15 min long. so stupid. this yr BG was at least a little less cheap. anyway i took pics and videos. can see them in the gallery if i get them uploaded right. my internet connection is crappy so may not work. anyway its nothing special. and of course my camera died before the finale-_-. ha. oh well. i didnt care much anyway.

gosh the fireworks made me miss japan soo much. arg. remember seeing the show in yokohama. and another in nagoya. funny i always get confused as to why people wanna go see so much in japan. and i guess here. i see so many fireworks every year. totally nth special. but i guess the memories of the friends and fun is special.

this weekend kinda sucked. had to work on the car in the insane heat again. ug. working with metal and stuff in blistering sun really sucks ass. well i'm proud me and my bro put in a manual fan switch so i can turn the radiator fan on anytime i want=). usually it turns on automatically only when the engine is too hot. but now i can turn it on no matter what. heh. love making cool and functional things for my car.

after working on the car, me and my bro saw "war of the worlds". it was entertaining i guess but waaayyyy too unrealistic and fake or non-believable whatever. like none of that stuff could happen and there was no real logic. i'd explain more but dont wanna ruin anything for anyone who hasnt seen it yet. heh. but it defied all scientific behavior, social behavior, etc. ha. so a little ridiculous. but it was still entertaining and at least had a happy ending. very surprising cause the whole movie was so dark. but i guess the ending was a little unbelievable too. ha. oh well. it was still kinda good movie. im not dissapointed.

well i'd type more but i gotta get this on the internet before my connection dies. plus gotta go to sleep! i work 8 hrs tomorrow@.@. and 30 for the whole week><. gonna suck. ah well i get $ at least. ha. too bad cant spend it on anything fun...oh reminds me i killed ivy's mom's flower finally-_-. i followed all directions but it still died. plants always die around me. i suck. and feel bad. sucks had to give it to me. anyway guess i'll be getting her a new one. but better wait till right before she gets back. ha. so it doesnt die again-_-. ha...anyway thats all for now. later.

nothing much is new since last post, just thought i should update more often. today got called off of work for the 1st time since i started working there. they didnt get much shipment and are trying to cut hours. i cant complain. heh. i wasted pretty much the whole day again. jieun came over, and this time i made dinner. it wasnt that great though. just ended up being typical stirfry. ha. oh well. i'll make something fancy for her sometime. gotta repay her for the good meals she makes me. we watched a ranma movie and "american psycho". it was funny. not scary, just wierd and really funny..i thought.

gotta check my schedule for next week. really hope i have off for 4th of july so can go home. though not in the mood to see fireworks really. dunno why. nobody special to watch with and the crowds are too annoying for like 15-30 of fireworks. anyway we'll see. i just wanna go home. oh and fix a few more things on my car if possible. guess if i work on july 4 i'll at least get pain time and a half. so guess it dont matter either way. but want jieun and her roommate to have a good holiday, so hope they can go to cleveland too.

well seems not many people have come across this page since the change. oh well. i have more i need to change anyway. just need a bit more time..as usual.

life has been more interesting lately. at least a bit more fun. jieun came back to bg! and shes my neighbor. ha. i met her roommate and so now have 2 people to hangout with. the yest i hungout with kwon too. he seems to have lost weight though. seems really thin now. cause he's not eating much. he promised sayaka he will have a 'six pack' for when he visits-_-;...ha. but it was fun. we all ate dinner, then went to get ice cream, then watched 'the jacket'. it was really cool. i was surprised. i thought it'd be scarier and have a crappy sad ending but it was actually pretty damn good. anyway jieun had to do something unfortunitely, so kinda wierd thinking i watched a movie with just kwon and jieun's roommate. ha. but it was fun. i know them both pretty well now. it was a good break.

unfortunately the only bad part about having fun is that i totally am outta the mood to job hunt. im sick of it anyway. tried sooo hard and just getting shit. not even a reply. people suck. and all the jobs are manager positions or stupid sales stuff. ug. really dont wanna do anything. maybe should just go to japan or something. dunno~ heh.

car has been overheating too. really sucks ass! cant use air conditioner or itll make the engine totally die. so i have to drive in 100 degree weather without fucking A/C @.@.

hmm. what else? oh saw satoko and her mom today. ha feel bad didnt recognize her momXD. i visited her house like 3 times last yr. ha. also feel bad didnt speak japanese:S..cause dont remember. but her family is so nice. hope i can visit them again sometime. we had some nice dinners and stuff there. wierd george is starting a 6 month internship next week in nagoyaO.O..heh poor satoko. when she's in america hes in japan, and when shes in japan hes here. heh so wierd. anyway hope everyones happy and healthy=)..i'm out.

As i'm sure everyone can tell, i finished the webpage. i hope everyone likes it. it took like 3 friggin days! ug. and as usual cant tell if i'll ever like it or really finish it. for now its nice though. like it more than my old one. i did more work on the designs in this one. the old one i just stuck more to a template. anyway~~i feel kinda stupid i wasted so much damn time on this. i finally had a day off of work and i wasted the whole day with this. shoulda studied jap or job hunted. ah well. its done now and i can worry about other stuff. well since this is the only thing i've done since my last entry, thats the only news i have in my life. ha. talk to you in a bit.

seems theres never enough time to update this thing. or study, or exercise, or get a job, or get my car fixed, or travel. well damn theres just not enough time for anything. hm. dunno. guess i just gotta breath. but really my days seem so short. i wake up, work, come back, eat, MAYBE relax for an hour or 2, and suddenly my day is gone. i feel like an old man. only difference is that i have no $ or anything else for that matter. geez. life is fucking stupid@.@

anyway my work schedule not only made me feel old and wasted, but cant do anything i need to do. ivy can never talk at the only hrs i have free and i'm always sleeping too damn early to talk to her. plus the stupid ass postal service fucked up a delivery! AGAIN. out of 10-15 times i've had stuff delivered to BG, they messed up EVERY TIME. UPS got one or 2 right, but the stupid post office SUCKS. this time they at least found the apt and delivered it. but the dumbass probably just left it on the mailboxes or in front of my door. duuuuhhhh. hello! idiots i live in a college dorm right next to campus! real safe, dumbasses. so yeah i was gone when they delivered it. and when i came back there was no package. of course someone probably stole it. great. and to make it worse i talked to them 10 damn times this week and they keep sending me in circles and telling me to talk to the supervisor. but the supervisor is only there at 8:30. wtf!?? i have to work in the mornings! and how stupid is it that the post master gets outta work 6 hrs earlier than me every damn day?? i want that job! anyway yeah i cant call them so its been a week and a half since the package mistake. no way i'll solve it-_-.

anyway sorry if that sounded aggressive. ha. just bitchin'. nothing else to do. well i'll stop for now. talk about more upbeat things....i've been updating my webpage! itll be much different soon. but i dont wanna put it online till it's done or at least running properly. finally this site will see some changes.

also saw batman the other day. it was funny me and my bro messed up the day-_-. thought tues was wed. in other words we got tickets for a day i had to work. so i drove all the way back to cleveland just to see the movie, then drove all the way back to bg@.@. ha. never wanna do that again. but it was worth it^^. the movie was AWESOME. wayy better than the other batmans, and really cool action. they did a really good job of tying the story together too. plus it was a lot more believable and understandable than the other movies, where it was: heres the good guy, heres the bad guy, heres a tiny plot, and here's the end. anyway this movie also did a great job of portraying things like morals and terrorism and human nature and stuff.

the movie was also of course very meaningful personally. i like inspiration from movies, you all now that probably. this was mildly similar to spiderman inspiration, but a bit diff. i loved how strong bruce(batman) was as he got older. like morally strong. that was so inspiring seeing someone keep so much strength to do what is right, no matter how ultra shitty things get. i've known several people who i thought were like that but gave up. they gave into fear and anger. i always feel like i'm one of few who is cursed with a strong conscience and will. no offense to others but..well..i cant explain it. its a schmitz thing-_-. ha...anyway i really liked how they portrayed his (bruce wayne's) confidence and belief in helping others. and my gosh i have never seen a movie portray fearlessness like this movie@.@. it was awesome! just the scene with the ninjas is enough to explain, but i dont wanna ruin the movie for anyone. ha. still that was great, no matter how much pressure or pain or danger he faced, he showed no fear and did what he believed was right. some of that took major balls. like impossible odds and he barely even thought twice. way to go batman. hahaha crap i'm a dorkXD. its late though. and i'll pretend i'm drunk.

oh i got my car fixed, again. and of course i KNOW itll break again. cause the guy said it will. cause the turbo is touching the frame of the car. the only solution is to buy a new..well nevermind, not too many car people read this so i won't bother explaining the technical stuff. anyway it was nice finally having closure. i now know everything that sonofabitch did to my car. the guy at this shop let me know the few things i didnt know. so now i know everything. and although i cant be sure i can trust this shop yet, they have given me a strong feeling of satisfaction from the stuff they just did. they told me all the problems and possible solutions, and i finally know what kind of turbo i have and all the stuff that was done to the car. ahhhh feels good..kinda. unfortunitely the car will never run properly till i do buy another part for it (again the technical talk. ha).

anyway getting the car fixed was crazy. i no longer trust switzer cause the sonofabitch still works for him. and i never want him to be within a hundred meters of my car. so i had to take it to a place out here (bg). funny thing is theyre right by the mall in toledo, but i never knew. ha. the problem, though, is that i have no car out here to borrow while they fix it. so i called a rental place but they had no cars. nicole said i could use her car (thank you soooooo much nicole!) but i didnt need it cause the shop only needed mine for one day. but crazy i dropped my car off, walked to the mall for work for 6 hrs, and got a ride home. then woke up 630am the next day to go back to work, then walk to the shop after work to get the car. whew it was a bit crazy but the car is back now. and it is really fucking fast! ha i love it. but i can feel the turbo vibrate on the car frame-_-. *sigh* oh well. just need $..and time. oh wait i dont have either of those. like i said at the beginning of this entry. ha. speaking of which this is a looooong friggin' entry. sorry! just bored. ha. at least i finally had a bit of time=P. anyway i'm out. later.

well not a whole lot is new. just updating since i'm actually online here. This week i havent been as productive as the last couple weeks. mostly cause i went home a couple times. but it was good i got to play more forza! i love that game! one of the best driving games ever! that and kaido battle 2 are the 2 best. anyway i needed the break from stress so it was nice. but now gotta be productive again. cause i really need a fucking job. i'm sooo sick of VS already. hate workin there. hate doing stock anywhere. anyway i'm back in the resume thing again. did one today for 1st time this week. now gotta start doin 2-3 a day like last week. now that i have to be here pretty much all week (well 2 weeks actually) i'm sure i'll be productive again. cause i'm bored and lonely. work is all i can do. hope jieun comes back soon. should be fun. can cook and hangout since she'll be livin' next door. well, IF i have time. ha. gr hate work.

next week i MIGHT finally get my car fixed. sick of my moms car. its big, its HOT (all leather@.@) and its got annoying A/C thats messed up, and the damn cd player is broken so i go INSANE cause i hate the damn radio. gosh radio SUCKS. same damn annoying music. and 90% is stupid 50 cent. hate him-_-. anyway ha yeah i hope someday my car drives like it used to.

well, ever since ivy left for hk i've been insanely productive. maybe my brains way of trying to forget how damn lonely i am. well not just her but mostly cause everyone's gone home for summer and all i do is work anyway. so crazy i work everyday and stay 2 hrs later or come in a couple hrs early if they let me to help. dunno why the hell i do that considering the work bothers and stresses me enough as it is. then when work is over i come back and do MORE work. i'm crazy. my brain just thinks i have to stay busy and i dunno why. i try to take a nap, but instead i go run errands or walk to the union lab to do job hunting and sending resumes. so far i've been better with that too. i've sent at least 2-3 resumes everyday this week. i clean, cook dinner. neveredning. feel so productive. yet no matter how much i do i never feel its enough. cant even relax. totally unlike me. heh.

internet sucks. i got a wireless card since i need one for home anyway. so sometimes i can steal other people's connection, but not many people here right now. i get one great connection for a couple hrs a day. then nothing. so i spend most computer hrs in the union. also my $ saving is interesting. living off $8 a week and stuff. speedway stations have become my eating grounds. they have some kickass deals. 2 hot dogs for $0.99 and any size drink (up to 44oz.) for $0.69. ha. plus tons of other deals. can get super full off less than $2 ha! not too healthy though. oh well i move and work all day anyway. i'll burn it off..i hope. heh.

i dont have time to fix my damn car. yup its dying still. dont wanna take it to the shop i usually do. but cant take it to a shop out here cause i have no backup car or people to drive me to work everyday. and the shop needs 2-3 days to get it done. sucks.

well i could talk about a buncha stupid things, but i guess i better get this posted before i lose my internet connection. ha. later. oh and i had som humorous pics lyin around. might as well show them to leave ya with somethin' to chuckle at..or not~ (click the links. i'm to lazy to format today)

welp im gonna be moving into my new apt. well, actually i'm already moving in..and almost done. and i wont have internet there so dunno how often i can update. i'll have to use internet on campus and stuff. who knows i may update MORE since i'll spend most of my freetime online and job hunting. anyway just letting people know~

not much is new. still busy busy busy. i hope i get all my refund $ back for the security deposit on my old apt. cars dying again so need $-_-. oh well. i'm staying optimistic on everything.

ok i thought i'd have wayyyy more to update/say but too tired and braindead. been moving stuff slowly all day to the new apt. plus i worked today. so pretty tired. oh but i'm gonna be jieuns neighbor^o^! haha. so wierd and funny. i'm right next to her! shes 315 and i'm 317. kinda cool. hopefully will be fun. just sucks i gotta pay rent. finally decided to get an apt and its killin me foir the cash situation. thanks to ivy and her mom though for offering to stay in their house! just was too much hassle i decided. oh well. it should all work out.

yay! naima won america's next top model! ha. so stupid i was so happy she won. its just a tv show. but just funny cause 1)shes hot and 2) its the 1st time i can remember that someone or something that i cheer for or supports wins something. ha. well, at least someone i support for a long time. so that was cool. it'll be nice to see her on the cover of magazines and everywhere instead of eva.

well ivy's leaving soon. i gotta get more $ and i'm like beyond broke. cant get $ from parents anymore and i gotta pay a shitload of bills. need to find an apt and cant even get food. and i've turned in dozens of resumes over the months with no luck. but oh well, i can live with it. its kinda interesting actually, trying to survive. heh. its a nice new challenge. gr. ha.

also perhaps my favorite poem jumped in my head again today. throughout the yrs since childhood it does that now and again. wierd though, as i do a search for it and read it and ponder it again, it takes on a new meaning. a somewhat sadder one, but meaningful nonetheless. anyway here it be (arr i'm a pirate...ha where'd that come from0.o??)~~~

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth

Then took the other as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet, knowing how way leads onto way
I doubted if I should ever come back

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference

i'll still ponder this many times for yrs to come i'm sure, but thought since it popped in my head again i'd share it. nice to read it again. last time i actually read it was in 7th or 8th grade. wow.

anyway so while i was at work my brain realized that, although i WAS productive this yr i did kinda become fucking lazy. as usual abandoned all my original plans since japan. just gotta get on my feet and make some $ and be a little more successful. ok so i keep saying that. wupty shit. ha. someday i'll actually get it done. i porcrastinate, but i get things done. you can always count on that...as you can see a lot of things pass through my brain at work. like mosta the stuff i'm posting today.

oh also so happy me and ivy have been watching ranma 1/2, a japanese animation seriesi loved in my younger yrs. ha. great great series. i highly recomend, but i'm not as big an 'anime' freak as, well...most of america now-_- ha. anyway enough rambling for now. gotta job hunt. later~

nothing new. still busy. gotta get apt for summer and hope i make enough $ to survive. havent had time to job search. sucks. need a fulltime job more than ever.

wow i really have nothing to talk about i guess. ha. my bad. guess i should try to update this page soon with pics and whatnot. and should talk about more random stuff. give people a reason to come and visit. and gotta make the rest of the site bilingual like the japan section. cars dyin again so will be awhile to make that new again...ok now i'm just rambling. check back someday...soon.

wow havent updated in awhile. cause finally have a job and its sucking the life outta me. ha. i work super early and last week worked like 40 hrs. good thing is i should make a lot of $. problem is that i SHOULD have a fulltime job. meaning i'd work same amount of hrs for 2-3 times as much $-_-. sigh. oh well. sucks dont have time to look for new jobs much since i come home from work, do other important things, and sleep. ah well i'll find time.

working at VS is interesting. it was so much fun last week cause all we did was move into the new store. everyone had fun and stuff. but now the store is open and everyone is stressed and annoyed so they arent fun anymore. haha. sucks. so kinda dont like the job as much. my manager is really nice though. so thats good. and jobs good cause its giving me exercise. but still need fulltime!!!! funny though the store looked AWESOME till they got the manaquins-_-. stupid ass VS used realistic looking ones and theyre freakyyyyy. dumbasses. so now the store looks crappy. they have cool clear plastic ones too but they also used the realistic ones. ew. and EVERYONE hates them! why would they do such a thing@.@!?? but yeah like i said the store looked amazing. but last day we moved in they put up the manequins..and ruined it. ha now ivy hates the store. just cause the stupid manequins:S...i dont blame her though. ha. i hate'em too:P

well now confused AGAIN about canada. took thurs and fri off of work but it backfired cause i'm on call saturday-_-. anyway even if i have off sat i still dunno about travel. if i dont i cant travel this summer. sucks. ah well. responsibility is a bitch. heh.

Apr.29, 2005 (3:30pm) - Time is wierd. theres never enough of it. and yet its neverending...hmmm

well i started working at VS. its really interesting. everyone's nice and so far things seem to be going ok. very interesting environment. i dont feel at all awkward about working there and with so many girls. its just kinda funny. the outfits, stories, etc. but i'm used to it. chicks are cool. ha. the one girl i worked with though was made openly feministic comments to me though. like when i said "oops i'm stupid" cause made a small mistake, she said "its cause youre male, right?"-_-. dumb bitch. ha. i let it slide cause i'm sure theyre used to having an all female staff that always bitches about guys. but at least the other girls have common sense to take some precautions. ah well. everyone else was really nice. and even rude girl was nice most of the time. just had some sexist remarks. it was funny though.

well a bolt came off my exhaust again-_-. wont talk about it much cause not many people will get what the heck i'm talking about. darn car is falling apart. i need a FULLTIME job!! gahh. well look forward to making a little cash at least.

other than that not much else new. everyones freakin out over finals of course. heh. i remember those days:P. not one semester that went by where i didnt go insane during finals week. sucks some people are leaving so soon after finals are done. wanna hangout! not like i have much time though with work and job hunting-_-. ah well. damn i need an apt for summer though! a cheap one! so much to do.

and i miss japan. esp cause i'm a freakin fatass now-_-. no matter what i do it wont fix it. need to go back to japan and walk in 120 degree temp for 5 hrs a day again. ha. and eat way less. here i have a car i love and food that i can buy easily. cause i dont have to try to understand freakin keigo (honorific japanese language that they speak at restaurants and services. a lang even japanese people dont freakin' understand-_-). in the past i could go to the rec but cant now cause graduated. but even reg exercise isnt working recently. gar sucks being a fat american:P haha. and muscles disappeared. hate not being able to weight train. sigh~~

Apr.25, 2005 (5:45pm) - Braja's gonna be workin' with Brajas

well i got a call today. finally got a job! but its only part-time-_-. oh well at least i'll be makin more $ than my old part-time jobs. anyway as many of you know i'll be workin' at Victoria's Secret! hahaa=P, how messed up is that? well i only got the job cause my friend works there (funny thing is that her name is Victoria. haha). anyway dont worry girls, i wont do anything freeky with the underwear >:0 ha. but i will get a discount. better be nice to me;) heh.

well, gotta go home and pick up my tire someday. hm. busy week. oh well i'm a little relieved i got a job. got lotsa debts building up. need a fulltime to be set. oh shoot i gotta find a place to live here over summer. cause got the job till at least the end of july. hopefully my apt is still available for summer><. yeji will probably have it after. ha.

Apr.22, 2005 (4:30pm) - *sigh* ....

i'm still waiting to see if i got accepted for a part time job. need at least something till i get a fulltime. need cash BAD. heh. so...good luck to me. ha. as for other things, i blew a tire the other day-_-. stupid. so now using my winter tires again. gr. but ordered another tire and all will hopefully be ok.

other than that i dunno what else to say. i'm livin' life and chillin'. things are getting extra tough and stressful and i only see them getting worse in the very near future. but ah well. fuckit. heh. just gonna buck up and push through. should be interestin'. catcha later.

Apr.18, 2005 (1:15pm) - just updatin. should do it more

ok well i'm goin back home for a couple days so thought i should update so its not another week. i'd update more but my life is just too boring. ha. nothing to talk about. oh well.

Saturday was really fun. i'm really dissapointed i couldnt go to the open house at switzer performance. that SUCKS. my car is running good and looking good again too. gar. and coulda met so many people and seen so many kickass cars. esp a lot of EVO's! plus seen dyno runs and stuff like that. plus free food! ha. gar sucks. at least the stuff i did do saturday was really fun anyway.

me, ivy, ayako, and kazusa (i think thats her name. new japanese girl who transfered from CA) went up to ann arbor to hang around the univ of michigan. we got bubble tea, took some fun/cool pics, and did a buncha other stuff. oh and went to whole foods market! i love that place! everything is so fresh and organic and all that crap. ha. the coolest, most delicious, and interesting foods. and they have food ready to go. tons of it you can eat in the cafe. mmmm so damn good. cant believe theres none in ohio=/ oh well. anyway the day was great and fun, so i don't mind too much i missed the open house.

now i'm back to cleveland. really gotta get off my ass and job hunt!!!!!!!! good news is that i'm being more productive in japanese these days. yest studied at BAM (books a million) and did quite a bit. oh then had an ultra fast dinner at bob evans. it was great. esp cause used ivy's certificates from easter so it was free. ha. good day. good weekend. well off home. time to be productive!..i hope:P.

Apr.13, 2005 (1:30am) - ok. much better now

ok so i was a bit wrong about switzer. apparently they DID put bolts in but they came out again. they restored my faith in them by fixing it and making it muuuuch better so that it wont happen again. plus they fixed like 3 other things on my car that were bothering me. so i'm very happy with them again. and my car finally feels great again! but i wont stay too happy cause i'm way too used to it dying. ha. but its the best its been in a looong time. so happy (*tear*) ha.

as for the rest of my life it sucks. im totally pre-occupied with things like family and friends that i have no time for myself. the only time i do have i waste it by relaxing or doing something lazy/fun. i REALLY need to get off my ass and job hunt HARD. this is getting ridiculous. need a life, need cash, and...yeah need a life. ha. anyway i'll try harder. of course i've been saying that a long time-_-. heh.

Apr.9, 2005 (2:21pm) - *sigh*~~~~-_-

ug. well life is sucking as usual. goin back and forth from school to home. still no job. every hope and possibility quickly dissapears. keep running out of money and juggling insanity. plus as usual car keeps getting fixed and then having problems. now even switzer keeps messing up. at least theres still hope of the car being great. its not dead yet. just needs a lot of work. hmmm dunno what else is new, just felt i should update. yeah cant believe i drove all the way back to BG without 2 bolts in my turbo manifold!! garrr and its weekend so nobody open or free to fix it. damnit. hate people. oh that and some fuck bitch assholes threw shit on my car. dunno if it was beer or what. cant believe i was gone for 2 minutes at most and came back and there was crap on my hood and windshield. really not liking people right now. good thing car wash was still open. thankfully it needed a washing anyway.

oh well thats all for now. i'll post soon. when i'm not so tired and cranky. later

Mar.29, 2005 (2:21pm) - Live Action INITIAL D!!!!...oh and my cars dead again-_-

well sad my car's dead but i just bought a product that will hopefully fix it forever. wont bother talking about it now cause nobody would care or even understand anyway

wellllllll, ivy made me excited. Initial D is coming out in summer! its a hk liveaction movie. everyone is perfect for the role except the main character i think. doesnt look young or dorky enough. oh well. hope it kicks ass. gar cant wait. really wanna go to hk now. haha. oh well itll be on DVD on ebay within a month of release. gotta love hk pirated movies. hahaaa:P. :X....

Mar.20, 2005 (9:15pm) - car's runnin ok!...now for me~~

ok well i finally got my car running good! needs to be better still but i almost got it back to normal..kinda. so happy though. but totally proof that if you want something done right YOU HAVE TO DO IT YOURSELF! my car was in 3-4 diff shops over an 8 week period. and it was ME who got it running like it should. of course the transmission was something i needed help with, but still the shop thought my car was fine after..stupid. oh well so happy my car is alive again:D!

well now that i wasted so long waiting for my car and fixing it myself, i wasted a LOT of time. i really need to bust my ass looking for a job. really really gotta work hard non-stop again. and need to exercise! damn i'm fat. ha. and just crappy all-together. anyway its time to get my life in order. so many things have been pissing me off. kind of inspiring me but mostly just making me annoyed/angry so i get off my ass and do something.

hmmm. i was gonna say some other things but forgot. ha. ah well, whatever~ later

Mar.16, 2005 (1:45am) - spring break and finally got my car!

well spring break was nice. even though it technically wasnt break for me since i'm out of school. but me and ivy spent some time in cleveland, and then went to london, ontario to visit ivy's friend, jing. jing is beautiful and really fun and comfortable to be around. that was extra amazing cause..well i was really scared to meet her. just cause..yeah..ivy's friends. heh. long story. anyway, i really would love to hangout with her more, esp cause we barely saw her. she was busy with exams and we were only there like one day. but her friends are a LOT diff from her. so i'd like to see her again but i don't fit in with the rest of her friends. oh well. i'm just glad ivy could relax a bit over break and really happy she finally got to see jing:). so all the crazy driving was worth it.

after spring break: well after 7-8 weeks of waiting i FINALLY GOT MY CAR BACK! sooooooo happy! but..its still sick. guess cant expect much. like i explained to others, i guess you cant expect someone to have 10 surguries and walk out the doors in great shape. so..yeah..its kinda in pain. not at all like before but still in ok shape. just glad its alive. and the got the old computer to work!! that made me soo happy too cause its like the car's soul almost. well, its brain at least. really feels like my old car again..just sicker. haha i'm stupid talking like my car is aliveXD oh well. i love it. i just hope i can get it running good again before anything else bad happens. hope it can heal someday><. poor car

Mar.5, 2005 (1:30am) - back from home..again

well, back from home again. yup spent ANOTHER week waiting for my car. but still not done!! getting sick of this! and i have to go on spring break without it AGAIN. garrrr. fucking annoying. i miss my car><!

speaking of spring break, totally clueless now. ivy has a lot of work, her friend cant meet this weekend, and i need to meet a very important business contact sometime. oh and did i meantion, i dont have my car! gr. well we'll think of something. hopefully nothing too difficult but still fun.

yeah i talked to switzer. he doesnt seem to thrilled about the idea of hiring me so doubt thatll work. all he cared about was my ability to understand japanese. thats about it. but even that faded a bit cause i kept talking and wouldnt shut upXD. think he was falling asleep. ha. oh well. hope i get some kinda good job:/. it was at least funny he was ripping on jeff too. seems he's always fixing his mistakes. if only he'd fix the muffler@.@. uggg...*sigh*~

been feeling really wierd lately too. somethings not right. been caught in a rut. things are so wonderful yet so..dunno. something just feels crappy. i've been here before and nothing feels different. and i know where this can lead all too well. its like trying to solve a puzzle or running through a maze, but i keep taking the same path. it sucks. am i too stubborn? its like i am determined to make that path work. or maybe its cause the its the path i know the most so even though i know i'm gonna hit a dead end i'm still too affraid to take another path. but i keep seeing other paths reappear and disappear. makes me wonder what i'm doing. everytime i take this path i hit a dead end. it looks promising but i hit a wall that comes outta nowhere. and everytime i hit it, it takes longer to heal. yet here i am in the same path. although i was gonna go slow, i know the path so well i just naturally started running. maybe itll be ok. even though its probably a dead end i'm ready to slow down when i see the wall coming. problem is i never see it coming. so i just gotta slow down every now and then. so for the most part i'm comfy. i just get worried as i pass other doors; other paths. get worried theres no turning back. worried those other doors will close. what am i doing? stupid. life sucks..ah well. this post sucks more. ha. its even more stupid. cause i'm sure its making no sense to anyone...not even myself. ha.

well, thats all for now. guess i'll post when i have something more interesting to post. or at least something more intellegent.~~

Feb.26, 2005 (12:30pm) - back from home

well went home for a week so my dad could have his car back while i wait for mine. but mine STILL isnt done-_-. i dont blame switzer though. SO FAR theyre being very good. its the transmission shop and UPS thats slow and stupid right now. so i wont complain. the guy at switzer is being nice and actually calling me! and before i call him. amazing. twistec only called when something was stolen. haha.

well got back and hung out with ivy. it was fun^^. ate maggie moo and went to 'books a million'. still havent been there for a long time. everytime i go its only for like 15 min ha. but good i have something to look forward too. levi commons is awesome. anyway after that went to see hitch. that was really cool! the more i think about it the more i like the movie. there were some things that coulda been better but mostly great movie. the thing i really like is that its different. its a guy's romance movie. haha. teen movies and chick flicks are either about a dork who makes a popular girl fall in love or about a bad guy who changes his ways and falls in love with a girl. hitch, though, is about a nice cool guy who helps give nice dorky guys a fighting chance with girls. hitch is 1st movie i ever see with situation like me. a nice guy scarred by past experiences who is affraid to commit because doesnt beleive in love. cause girls always fall for the bad guys. so he tries to help girls see the good guys and get away from the bad.

theres parts of the movie that made me really sad. well one that i can think of really. the scene in the chinese restaurant where the main girl is mad at hitch for his business and thinks he's just trying to get girls to sleep with guys. thinks he's just typical pig who teaches guys how to get girls in bed and leave them. hitch gets mad at her and says his whole job and life is to get assholes like that out of the way and help give the good guys a chance. that made me sad and happy whatever cause that is all i ever felt. like hitch, i hate so much seeing the pigs and assholes always taking advantage of the girls or stealing them or whatever. i love that hitch's whole job is to make girls see the truth or help the good guys get a chance. but..its just a movie. i know stuff like that never happens. cause 2 things ALWAYS happen in life. girls fall for an asshole without knowing it, cause the asshole acts sweet to get what he wants, OR the girl really wants and asshole! cause many girls like the 'bad boy'. they like being seen with them and have the idea somewhere inside them that they think they can tame the bad boy and make them good. again its just a movie idea. girls, you cant tame bad boys. they will always be bad.

ok talking a lot. ha too much philosophy and whatnot. last thing will say about hitch is that i love such a cool guy is nice. i try to be cool like that and i succeed many times but i end up acting like a dork more often than hitch. ha:P. but just like hitch i flirt and act cool and talk to a lot of girls but i'm not a bad guy. and thought it was funny some things hitch did i was thinking in my head before he did them. like ideas of what i would do and then he did it. made me feel cool:P hahaa. ok so i really am a dork. ah well. like i said good/fun movie.

Feb.21, 2005 (9:50pm) - back from chicago

went to chicago this weekend so ivy could see her cousin. her cousin is really cute [baby] ha. it was fun. we went to ikea where ivy and ayako went crazy. then big mall. it was fun. but crazy driving@.@! chicago roads suck! ha. and have to pay so much for tolls. on every road. wtf? stupid-_-. now more broke than ever. totally no $. not even for a snack. gar. need a job BAD

today was crazy but fun. spent day planning dinner. ha. but it was a huge success:D. for dinner made herbal smoked salmon on top of fried potato patty and topped with a creamy custom dressing (sour cream, chives, garlic powder, oregeno, raspberry vinegar, squeezed lemon, and some sugar. ha kinda just kept adding stuff till it tasted right. ha). on the side had some potatos and asparagus with yellow cucumber (squash??) and some chilled sliced cucumbers and tomatos topped with raspberry vinegar. mmm. heh. and for dessert made some chocolate french toast with fancy vanilla ice cream from maggie moo and topped with fresh sliced strawberries and sauce. it was awesome:P. so happy and proud it turned out good! heh. and all were my own ideas and recipes. cant do it everyday but nice to treat myself and others sometimes. besides wanted to use the salmon from ikea.

while i was shopping i stopped at books a million. soooo happy they have one ha. its at levi's commons, the rich fancy place about 15 min from bg. theyre progressing really well! loving that place. and the bookstore is awesome. one whole wall of magazines. ha. every magazine you could imagine. so great. and so close to bg^O^! can go anytime i'm bored. of course the theater is fantastic and maggie moo is cool too. anyway thats my day. so happy i made ivy feel better with dinner. oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIZUKA!! hope you feel better too. too bad couldnt join us tonight.

now gotta go home and return my dad's car to him so he can use it this week. makin people happy is a non-stop job. ha. anyway hopefully my car can survive and come back to me by the end of the week><!

Feb.16, 2005 (2:35am) - life goes on

nothing much new..kinda. my car is still dead, i still dont have a job, and buncha things pretty much suck still. but life goes on. Valentine's day was nice. 1st yr i ever did anything really. ha. had a nice dinner and gave gifts to people. Ivy gave me a card with cute/silly coupons like free dinner and stuff. ha. shizuka gave me a nice e-card valentine. thanks guys^o^!

other than that i'm happy just cause i found something online i was searching like 2 yrs for. haha. i'm stupid made me so happy like finding treasure:P. now i just have to solve my car problem-_-. seems my dad doesnt wanna pay much more:/. i dont blame him though. i feel bad enough already he's helped pay so much. but totally dunno what to do next. poor car><. i miss it.

Feb.10, 2005 (1:30am) - life is..dunno

weeelllll, dunno what to type about. kinda happy about my car. i didnt fix it at all but i got the computer back! i have my cars brains ha. sooo happy. sounds dumb but feel its soul a bit again. ha. plus midas admitted i was right about the real problem and admitted they dunno how to fix it. haha. felt kinda smart. so KINDA happy. then kinda happy/relieved switzer can send a truck! the only person in the world right now who can get it running and shipping the car there is no more $ than shipping to the nearest saturn dealership. still wont get my hopes up. sucks! everytime i have even a little hope it dies so quick. even when i try NOT to get hopes up. i try to think of everything that can go wrong. but STILL the ONE THING i never think of is the one thing that happens. i prepare for anything, but...life is sooooo ironic and funny. really one big joke. ha

yeah the other day i had one of the most sickening hope-killing experiences ever. i never wanna talk about it cause its a personal..dunno..dream? no, hope duh. ha. its one of the few things i can hold inside me. sounds dumb i know, but thats just the way i am. anyway yeah that hope pretty much faded. as usual i had planned for everything but the one thing....nevermind i'm totally blabbing about nothing-_- ha. nobody knows what i'm talking about so oh well. but all i can do no matter what happens is laugh. my life is sooo fucked up. not bad, just fucked up! Bret was right, my life is one sick sick joke-_-. ah well. its funny

so i feel as though my life has reached a period. kinda funny, brian (the ACU visitor gay writer whatever) had said something in his depressing story. the character in the story was talking about kids committing suicide. he described it [watching the kids die] as: "reading a sentence, and then you come to a comma, only nothing comes after it". sad but kinda funny i recently saw my life as coming to a period. only problem is that there is no other sentences. no new paragraphs, no "the end", and the book just hasnt been closed. feels as though a chapter or even whole story has ended. feel so...finished? dunno what the heck to do next. dunno where to go. obviously i am not relating this to brians story of suicide. i would never ever think of such a thing. all i mean is that i just feel soo damn empty. like i did all i could and there really just aint much use for me. i've tried and tried to read on, but the pages are blank...

anyway i dont even know what the crap i'm saying now. just rambling. thoughts flowing~~~. so i'll finish with one last useless thought. in thinking about this confusion in life, i remember yet another movie quote. its funny just cause it comes from an anime movie. ha. in 'street fighter alpha', the whole movie everyone questions why ryu and ken fight all the time. they keep fighting each other though theyre friends, they keep trying to be stronger. but the whole movie nobody knows why. this is only a very minor thing and almost un-noticable. but of course i did. cause i think too much. ha:P. finally, at the end of the movie, though, sakura, while recovering in the hospital realizes the truth. its finally clear to her. she states the Q one last time: "why do they keep fighting?", and she then states: "they keep fighting...to find that answer"....ha. i was so moved by that. its meant so much to me. after so much stupidity and crap that life throws at me i wonder, "why do i keep fighting?", what makes me go on? and i realize, too, i go on so that someday i will know why....

stupid i know. ha. but as usual i enjoy silly inspiration from movies:). ciao for now ; ) hahaa

Feb.7, 2005 (4:30am) - ....

there's always a 'lower'. always a 'worse'. hope is a fragile thing...

Feb.2, 2005 (10:05pm) - feeling down. so need a bit of humor...

well ivy always posts funny little things and pics on her sites so thought i would. i'm kinda down cause my car may not survive too. so what the heck. got a buncha stuff but i'll start slow to save space. lets start with stuff for the guys. heh. sorry girls. enjoy for now ; ) ~

Feb.1, 2005 (2:05am) - my birthday!! [was the other day]

ok i was too lazy or busy or tired to write about my b-day 2 days ago. so i'll write now. it was GREAT. maybe the best ever. i gotta say thanks so much to everyone. i was surprised anyone even remembered. not only did they remember but they all did so much for me and we had lotsa fun. got free dinner, cake, and some nice gifts. and a pretty fun party. considering i didnt expect anything, you can see it ended up pretty damn good.

now i gotta focus on life again. i took a week off of being productive :$. not good. so time to kick it in high gear. esp now that i'm older. ha. kinda sad miss my car but hopefully i'll see it soon! feel stupid i felt a bit bad for driving zoeys car on my b-day so felt like i was cheating on my car. hahaXD i'm stupid. but sucks couldnt drive mine on my b-day. or even have it to be the 1st one i drove since i turned 24..wow. 24. i'm old. i need a life. ha. anyway..more later. bye for now

Jan.28, 2005 (3:30pm) - fun night. miss my car though

as usual i cant wait to get my car back. i miss it><. but good news is that its making me walk more and get a bit more ex thats actually working a bit. cant believe how fat i've gotten@.@ ha. oh well

last night was fun. went to asian authors reading for ACU. didnt wanna go but oh well. wasnt too bad. and kinda nice hanging out with everyone afterwards. kinda funny though. one of the authors was gay and all the girls thought he was hot. and ivy thought he kept looking at me. i thought so too but didnt wanna say anything. ha. funny thing is i wasnt feeling wierd, just the opposite i was kinda flattered. i acted extra nice to him even. kinda funny, i always just want people to like me. the more interest someone shows the more i try to make them like me. haha. i'd never want a gay guy to make a move on me or try anything, but i'll mess with their head a bit. just nice getting attention. thats really messed up and funny. haha. he was cool though. i'm sure he'd never try anything anyway of course. so it was comfortable. just like being with an ugly chick...maybe? haha. dunno. thats kinda mean:P. besides i was probably imagining everything and he didnt give a crap about me. ha. either way, still a nice/fun guy.

sucks i'm gonna be turning 24. good thing is i kinda thought i was already. the only thing that makes me sad is i still cant get my car back for a couple days. at LEAST jan.31-_-. *sigh*. ah well. should perform GREAT when i get it back..i hope. my poor car. it's my best friend. kinda sad, huh. between that and the gay guy thing, this is an interesting post...i need a fucking girlfriend :S. haha.

Jan.26, 2005 (7:45pm) - need to get a life. hopefully my car will soon too

well once again a week without updating. as usual not much new though. still no job. car died. that sucked. but was sooo happy when i found out the engine is ok. thought i killed it. guy at the shop said its perfect though. soo happy>o<. hopefully it'll be running by mon or tues. sucks gotta wait so long but my fault for ordering parts from west coast-_-. sucks i coulda gotten it much cheaper too. ah well. just cant wait to get it running again. hopefully better than ever.

the one good thing about not having my car is exercise. walking more. first time walked so much since japan. eating a bit less too. gotta get this damn fat off. getting pissed about jobs though. either nobody is calling or all the places i was gonna send resumes to arent being offered. and then as i research a couple companies i find out theyre full of crap and bad companies that are full of scandal. just my luck. ah well. always tempted to just go to japan and teach eng or something. ha. people twice as dumb make it just fine. ah well. see what happens here 1st i guess.

Jan.18, 2005 (7:45pm) - just feel i should update

well nothing much new is going on. just always seems a week between updates. really wanna update more but totally nothing going on in life worth reporting. ha. job search continues, money disappears. on a good note my car is doing a LITTLE better for now. just need cash. gosh i wanna return to japan sooooooo much. as usual i have so many regrets and so many things i still want and need to do. oh well. all in time i guess.

i'm still confused as to what the heck kinda job to get. well of course i dont even know if i can get one. i'm sure i can but still kinda rough. i really am trying more now. hope it works. but still so confused. sooo many ideas. sometimes i just get tempted to go to japan and just teach or whatever. so many people who are a lot dumber and less experience and speak no japanese go and make it just fine. but i guess i'd miss so much here. dunno. i know whatever job i get isnt permanent but still its hard to decide. my main priorities once i get a job are: 1) return to japan 2) fix my car and make it better than ever.

Now that i have no gf and no life you'd think that'd all be easy. ha. ug yeah right. well all i can do is buckle down and try my hardest. life is sucking. so boring and meaningless. time to jumpstart it. 2005 HAS to be a better year..i hope.

Jan.12, 2005 (5:00pm) - productive..kinda

well my sleeping schedules been major messed up. i sleep through sunlight and am awake from dusk till dawn. ah well. KINDA fixing it. good news is the time i spent awake today i actually got stuff done. got career info from school, fixed some stuff on my car, worked a bit on this site, etc. i hope i just get more productive. sick of feeling sorry for my damn self. just gotta admit i've been pretty pathetic lately. letting myself get sucked into a rut. spending all day sleeping and playing video games is retarded. then i bitch about how things suck. haha. well gotta start doing stuff. and i am. tonight i'll work on resumes and try to get a life as soon as possible. haha. also gotta start telling more people about this site. kinda stupid i pay for webspace and dont update much. put so much work in making it too. one of those short-lived hobbies i guess. lasted a week. ha. ah well. it's nice to have a place to call my own. heh.

Jan.2, 2005 (11:00pm) - HAPPY NEW YEAR

happy frickin' new year! ha its been awhile since i updated cause i was home for the holidays. well although xmas was decent new year pretty much sucked. actually i realized that all of 2004 sucked major. one of the worst years of my life. dunno. anyway 2005 didnt start fantastic. the new year celebration was almost nonexistent. just some friends watching stupid tv shows, a strange video game and even a japanese cartoon-_- ha. i didnt get any new year kiss. i never have gotten a kiss on new year in my entire life. haha. guess dont really care, just quick moment of awkwardness seeing couples around me kissing..ah well. wierd. just like valentines day and some other couple holidays. i'm either not with my gf or dont have one at particular times. maybe my brain's way of avoiding them to save from spending $ and stuff. ha. or maybe i'm just unlucky and pathetic. haha. whatever. such is life.

i hope this year goes better. so far off to a slow start but hopefully things'll get better. seeing as how 2004 ended pretty shitty i guess it should hopefully be easy for it to get better. who knows. on with the year!