Things have been going really well with the illustrating job. It's been really fun getting paid to draw cool stuff, ha. Much better than the website designing and graphic artwork. I like the good old fashioned hand drawing and coloring. Anyway it's also turning into a good business relationship. It seems he's gonna keep me along for future books and anything else he might do (games, movies, etc). Also, he apparantly was so confident in me, and impressed with my personality/character, he offered me $20,000 to start my own marketing company@.@. Unfortunitely he wants his wife to help and she seems really unsure. She's cool, nice, and has a lot of skill for markenting. However, even though she loves marketing, she doesn't have much confidence. So, I told her we can try a side business for now, to grow and learn. I'll try to push and lead her, as he expects I can, but it's gonna be hard. I'm too used to ppl giving up on me, ha. At least, me and him have the same drive and responsibility. If I'm lucky, we can get the marketing idea off the ground, and things will be successful with her as well. but, if not, I'm happy I at least have a strong tie with his business. Either way, its a good relationship for now. We'll see how many directions it goes. For now, we're just focusing on the book, and not so much on the marketing co. However, aside from the illustrations, I'll be helping him with marketing the book as well.
My plans are all still remaining flexible. I'm still sticking with my strategy of multiple jobs in multiple places, for flexibility. I still want to return to asia, so i'm recruiting friends' help. it's really hard finding a job when i'm in another country. i guess i can always return to teaching if i have to. hopefully we'll figure sth out. If i get back over there, i can continue the art from abroad. i really hope i find sth soon. if all else fails i at least have a free ticket so i can travel for a vacation at least. if i cant come by october i'll probably visit during xmas sometime.
Okay, enough talk for now. It's time for the:
Thought of the Day:
Everything happens... period
"Everything happens for a reason"
This is a phrase I used to tell myself so many times. It's a phrase everyone believes and says.
I still hear it time and time again. However, I don't believe it anymore. It is not because I'm pessimistic. Actually I still have a very positive idea, it's just different. I think everything happens, and then you keep moving. No matter what happens, you can always find a way to move on, or solve things. Now that I get how more things work and interact, I understand what I failed to see before.
We say "Everything happens for a reason" to make ourselves feel better when shit happens. Later, when good stuff happens again, you think "I was right!" However, that's naive. You don't succeed in something just because you failed before. It's simply a different path.
Some examples:
I quit hockey and found a new hobby in Japanese. I met so many great people and had so many amazing experiences. That doesn't mean life is better because I quit. I'm sure I could have had a successful career and equally interesting life if I kept playing hockey.
My longest relationship ended with my ex cheating on me and leaving me on the other side of the world, alone with nothing. Totally shattered, with my future erased, I studied more than ever, discovered the world, and found myself as a person, growing immensely. That doesn't mean it was meant to be. I'm sure if we stayed together, I still would have learned just as much. I could have been a wonderful father, a very responsible husband, and still allowed her freedom and strength to be her own woman, and we could have had a great life together.
My company in Japan went bankrupt and left me with a new life decision. I made dozens of important connections from it, which are helping me with business. That doesn't mean I would have been less successful if I just kept teaching.
There are thousands of examples. My point is that, things don't happen to make other things happen. The point is that, no matter which path we take in life, things work out. It's natural to feel negative, and complain. It's okay to look back and wonder. Just don't dwell too long. Like I said in a previous post about looking into the past. It's an important thing.
When people travel, we seldom fail to reach our destination. It's not always perfect, but we always get there. There are countless paths. When there is a traffic jam, it's not to teach us a better road to take .It's just something that happens. Throughout history, everything in nature and the universe move independently, but also together. Again, it's the 2 sides of the same coin. I learned to stop assuming things happen for me, for a reason. Things just happen, regardless of what I want/need, and I feel better knowing that.
The world keeps moving. Don't be so greedy to assume it moves for you. Just be happy knowing you can always adapt to it. Everything doesn't necessarily happen for a reason. Everything just happens.. period. But we keep moving too.
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Sep 11 th 2008 - Plan B
Well, as I figured, after 3 weeks of interviews and tests, I didn't get the job i was applying for, but it's ok. I learned what I'll need for next time. So, even though i was royally pissed for a day or so I'm moving on. I'm still planning on returning to japan and maybe even hk, but for the remainder of this month i have to stay here, cause i picked up another job illustrating a science fiction novel that will be published later this year, i believe. it should be interesting. I will probably meet the author tomorrow so we can brainstorm a bit.
At work, I'm realizing just how connected i've finally become to this place again. its still nothing as big as my presence in japan, but its almost there. upon returning home, i knew i'd have to rebuild my whole life, since my U.S. life was stolen so long ago. Finally, after 8 months i've finally pieced together a decent living. i have jobs everywhere, and built a hell of a circle of friends that stretches for miles. the one and only good thing about the service industry is that its easy to make connections and contacts. anyway, i still need to focus on the tasks at hand. i need to look back to asia. when i return from asia, i will probably go back to school for a yr to pickup the certifications i need... if i still need them. as always though, you can't truly plan life. so.. we'll see what happens. should be interesting^^.
Thought of the Day:
Look Outside Yourself
This correlates somewhat with the last "though of the day". I speak of it often, so if you read my blog, get used to it. That little truth that we all have 2 worlds, the subjective (our own thoughts), and the objective (the real world). Today's experience revolves around people at work, and how we're not as amazing as we think:
Today I worked with 2 cool people. But they are 2 people who loooove to add their 2 cents to every story. One of them tells endless anecdotes, and the other just spits endless useless facts he's read online or in the news, as if it's his own advice. Both of these are normal and fine situations, but eventually it just gets irritating. There is one thing they both keep forgetting, and I see far too often now, esp in the information age. They fail to realize what's truly going on outside of their own head. So, no matter how smart you are, or appear to be, you are really just an idiot, if you fail to look further. I definitely have made this mistake before. We all have. And, even if we recognize it, it's easy to lose track again.
As I've noted before, we are all heroes and heroines within our own head. We are the main character in the story of our lives. If something good happens, we are the reason. If something bad happens, we are the victims. If we believe something, it is fact to us, an undeniable truth, and we try to force that on others, or at least feel we are better than other people. Eventually, we must realize, we are not that great. We must understand that in the whole world, we are just a very minor character.
People hear or read one new thing, and suddenly they think they have the answer to all their problems. This is most common and dangerous with the Internet. They then preach this new knowledge, as if they are prophets. The people I worked with today were like that. However, they didn't realize that, to other people, its just annoying. Plus, most of the time they're wrong. I try very hard to read body language, and put myself in other people's shoes. I try not to offend, if possible, and always try to realize my small role in other people's minds. Other than here on my blog, I do my best not to brag or teach people about what I've learned. It's not my place, and I may very well be wrong.
I myself, walked a long path. Wen I 1st started studying hardcore, I started with theology and philosophy and built my beliefs. I thought i had all my answers, until I studied psychology and history. Suddenly I deleted some of my old thoughts and built better ones. Then, I studied biology and organic chemistry, and how the mind works. Once again, I found errors in my original thoughts. Everyday I learn something new, and rebuild.
I had a good talk with Petey(Brandon) and Pat yesterday after work, about all this. It's good some people are walking a wholesome path. Silent heroes are so much better than those who think they are the strongest already. Live in your own head, but be well aware you are still so far from understanding anything. I am reminding myself of this, too.
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Aug 27th 2008 - Get things back in order
Wow. i haven't left a post in a long time. well, it's mostly cause ive been so busy but also cause i didnt have much to type about. plus, as usual, the longer i wait, the more thoughts and events build up, and it's just too much to type.what's new? i got my dream car! ha, its a long story, but basically i needed a new car and figured now's as good a time as any to get my dream car. when i have a family and stuff i wont be able to afford it, since i'll wanna take care of everyone. I lived a long time balancing my life around other people, and now that I'm single yet again, i figure i should focus on work for a bit. It's so much easier this way, as i always told everyone. heh. Also for the car, it's just making things way more fun, ha. Right now, i've been managing my money to do this, so figured what the heck. heh.
Aside from that, i decided to apply for one more job here. My plan for a long time was to return to japan by fall, by whatever means possible. If need be, i'll go back to teaching and private students and do design work on the side. however, the job here might be the best of both worlds. I can live long term here and travel to japan, and hopefully china and hong kong and other countries down the line. If i get it, theres a decent chance i'll be back in japan for at least a couple months. so.. we'll see. regardless i'll find a way soon.
Well, i'm just gonna stop for now. things have been ridiculously busy, but extremely positive. now that i understand myself and the world better, things are just cool and interesting, ha. i've been slacking off a bit, though, so as soon as these deals and plans are taken care of, its back to improving my body and mind, ha. i'm slacking a bit, but i'll get back on track soon enough. until then, i gotta study some languages again.
Thought of the day:
Evolution
It's so easy to lose touch with reality. Like I always say, we live 2 lives: That of the real world, and that within our heads. There's always something to learn and improve, and stopping even for a moment can lead to losing many things you've learned. We can't just learn about ourselves though, because that will not really help us deal with everyone else. Try to understand people, and your environment. There are street smarts and book smarts. Just living is not enough, and just studying is not enough. All the books in the world won't prepare you for life, and all the experiences in the world won't teach you everything. Enjoy your world, and your beliefs, but don't forget what makes other people happy either. Learn, grow, and help our species evolve.
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May
30th 2008 - Time
omg I can't believe
it's been more than a month since my last update ha. well i've just
been freakin' busy as heck. i've seen some movies though. iron man
and indiana jones were awesome. esp iron man. was gonna give a longer
review but that was weeks ago ha. had some other things i wanted
to talk about but it'll have to wait. thoughts of the day have been
piling up too. i've just been studying an insane amount. so look
forward to some more updates in the near future. as i mentioned
before, i'm also trying to rebuild and re-organize this site.
Thought of the Day:
Time
Time is an amazing thing. As far as we know, it cannot be controlled
nor stopped. It keeps moving, and I think it's a good thing. It
teaches us to learn from mistakes instead of trying to fix them
all the time. It teaches us to hold on to what we have and move
on from things we've lost. It teaches us to learn and grow and
keep moving forward. Technically, time does not totally exist.
It's something we made, and yet it's something we can't live without.
There's never enough of it, and yet it's infinite. Time is a funny
thing.
The ironic thing is that
I really just chose time as the thought of the day because I don't
have enough time to update or fix this site, nor talk about anything
else today, ha. Yay for time. Still, I like to think time is on
my side.
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April
24th 2008 - 2 Brians, 1 cup
I'm designing a new website to better
organize everything, especially cause I'm typing so much more these
days, ha. It might take awhile, so please bare with me... and please
visit often, ha.
I finally got a couple job offers. I
was trying to wait till after summer to get a fulltime job. Oh well.
As always I'll figure things out as they come. I guess if I get
the jobs it'll be nice to be totally financially secure. right now
I have enough money, but it would be nice to have enough to spend
freely and play with, ha. Plus putting even more in my savings would
be nice. My future fund is rather small for now.
Okay, today's thought was a fun one,
I thought...
The Glass
Ahhh the infamous glass. The teller of truths. The beakon that
determines whether someone is optimistic or pessimistic. For those
of you who live in a box, have horrible memory, or are slightly
retarded, I'll give you a summary...
"The glass is half
full" = Optimistic - You think positively.
Everyone loves you and you're a joy to be around. Surely you will
rule the world because you have no fears, and everyone wants to
be your friend.
"The glass is half
empty" = Pessimistic - You think negatively.
You are always complaining, and generally everyone around you
thinks you are depressing and make them wanna slit their wrists.
Sarcasm aside, this is
the general rule of thumb for this saying. It is supposed to represent
how we view our daily lives. I understand it isn't supposed to
be an overly thought-out expression. Still, I do find some interesting
problems with it. The main problem is that it expresses, with
it, the human's natural need to see black and white, to simplify
things. However, what happens when you think logically?...
When I try to determine
the contents of a glass, I simply judge it depending on the situation.
For example, if it had just been poured, then it is obviously
only half full. If someone just drank from it, then surely it
can be considered half empty. Compared to life, if someone dies,
it sucks. If someone wins the lottery, it's pretty cool. So, what
if you don't know those things?
Using common sense, if
I were to walk into a room and see a glass with half of its volume
occupied by a liquid, I would assume that it's half empty. After
all, it isn't too often someone fills a glass only halfway then
walks away from it. That is, however, a possibility. If that were
the case, then I would humbly apologize to whomever filled it
for judging prematurely. If that person, however, is not a freak
that is obsessed with my opinion of his/her glass, then I probably
wouldn't say anything.
The interesting thing is
that, looking at it that way, then on average the glass is, more
often than not, half empty. Contrastly, I might ask why someone
is filling a cup only halfway. surely that is pessimistic, because
they must not have high aspirations. I, personally, would like
my glass completely filled. Perhaps some people just aren't that
thirsty for life, but still want a taste. I dunno, ha.
Perhaps the most interesting
thing of all is the most overlooked aspect of all. We can say
that, on average, a glass with liquid at it's mid-mark is probably
half empty, but WHY is it half empty? We're so busy with WHAT
the glass is, we seldom ask WHY? The new way I see the glass is:
It is half empty, because I've been drinking and enjoying it.
I've been enjoying it so much, I'm 27 and the glass is half empty
already. I think for the rest of life I'm just gonna sip and savor
it. If there's more waiting in the fridge, then I'm gonna chug
this sweet shit and get me a friggin' refill!... Yeah, try that
conundrum on for size.
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April
22nd 2008 - Secret of Brian
I went back to BG this
past week. It was my 1st time back in a long time. Someone wanted
me to stay out of their life (a.k.a. my old life. yeah i had to
give 90% of it to her. to make her happy), so I avoided it for so
long. In the end, though, I realized other ppl are more important
than making a crazy person happy, ha. However, after being there,
it made me more depressed than happy.
The Road Behind,
the Road Ahead, and the Road Less Traveled
When I was young, I fell victim to criticism of others. I was happy
with my own life, but people around me were not happy with my life,
ha. I want other people to be happy, though, so I was frustrated
that I couldnft live the life they wanted for me. Well, things changed
when I grew up.
Let me add, at this
point, that some people like to claim gI donft worry about what
other people thinkh. Ifm sorry but thatfs bullshit. Thatfs just
a form of self hypnosis to build confidence or try to prove youfre
better than those who do worry. If youfve ever had an argument with
anyone, or even have been slightly annoyed, then you already totally
contradict that statement. We are social creatures, and therefore,
all worry about what others think to some extent. The very statement
that you donft care is said as an argument against the idea of caring.
So, in essence you are caring about other people who worry. Anyway,
I digressc
During my [fourth] time
in Japan, I found myself. Through a series of events, I finally
took all my life lessons and melded them into who I really am. I
realized that my biggest problem I had throughout my life is that
I never realized I had already succeeded. I had all the answers
to my problems, I just never had the confidence to believe it, because
I was too busy worrying about what others were saying. I have achieved
all I need and wanted. I find ways to get things done and always
survive. When I need money, I get it. If I want to do something
or go somewhere, I find a way. I have accomplished more than most
people twice my age. Upon hearing aspirations of friends, I realize
Ifve accomplished most of their life goals, too. I know how to get
things done. I understand how people work, and how the human body
and many other things function and affect each other. Just because
I don't do some things, doesn't mean I'm incapable. In fact, I am
capable of so much. My list of abilities is immense. All those years
of being indecisive led to my learning of countless trades. The
only reason I don't do some things is because it's not what I want
right now. I am busy accomplishing a dozen other things. So, all
those things that everyone else wants me to do need to wait. I do
what I want, and I find a way to make it work. There is, however
a twist to this. Please note that I did not say I can do anything.
This is the most important lesson Ifve learned and Ifll draw further
on this in a moment.
After discovering myself
and having the confidence and strength to stand back up, I realized
that I honestly have no fear anymore. There is nothing in my life
that I'm worried about. Other people still try to make me worry,
but.. I don't. Ifm not just saying this as a silly attempt to comfort
my fears, as most people do. This is not self-hypnosis, this is
self-discovery. I was very careful to honestly think about it, and
realized that I really deleted all my old worries, along with the
problems many people face. I used to fear everything, but I understand
how everything works now. What we fear the most is that which we
don't understand. So.. I studied, so that I could understand. All
those yrs of confusion and mistakes have paid off. I've learned,
and now I have no fear. My life is set.
However, upon returning
to America and my gold lifeh I realized a rather funny and slightly
aggravating fact: All those people who judged me, who told me how
I should live my life are totally lost and confused in their own
lives. Actually, EVERYONE I know is confused. This is not my opinion.
It is the words directly from their mouths. Everyone is so stressed
about life. Nobody has any idea of what the future holds and itfs
freaking them all out. Oddly, Ifm quite content. Well, this made
me rather angry. Why the fuck did all these people try to tell me
how to live my life when they don't even know how to live their
own?! Well I know thatfs just how the world works. It took me forever
to get back to where I am. In this, I realized that I've surpassed
above and beyond. Still, they try to judge me. Well, I will not
say anything to them. It's not my place to tell them how to live
their lives. We all have to figure that out for ourselves. I'll
lend a hand to anyone who wants some advice, but I will not try
to force my opinion on the stubborn and absent-minded.
For anyone who is curious,
I will explain one of the important secrets of life I've found...
Dreams
Dreams are a funny thing people like to speak of. By gdreamsh,
in this case, I mean goals or hopes for the future. Everyone grows
up with dreams and aspirations in life. We feel goals and dreams
are what life is all about. We think that those people who have
goals and reach those goals will be successful, and those who
have dreams and reach those dreams are even better, because they
are successful AND happy. If we don't have a goal or dream for
our future, we feel lost and confused. We feel like failures,
and, likewise, view other people as failures if they don't have dreams or goals. Someone once broke my heart because
of my lack of a dream, or that my dream didn't match theirs. Well,
let me talk about dreams. I am an expert on them. It is the ONLY
thing in this life I can say that about. Let me explain:
In this life I have reached
more goals and dreams than anyone I have ever met. Most people
are lucky if they get close to even one dream in life. I have
reached dozens and dozens. Some of the dreams seemed totally impossible,
but I still held them in my grasp. Most of these dreams slip away.
Some do not. The ones I do achieve arenft very exciting once I
finally achieve them. It is only now that I am finding ways to
relish in them. The ones that fail show me that life cannot be
controlled. I think Ifve seen more dreams fail than anyone. When
I say gfailh, I donft mean that I donft reach them. I mean I reach
them, and they fall apart. This happens to everyone once or twice
in life. For me, however, it has happened countless times. Having
it happen so often is indescribable. I used to think this was
bad luck, but now I understandc
Dreams are meant to be
just that; gdreamsh. They are something to guide us or give us
hope, but we are in no way in control of our futures. We want
to believe we can control everything, which leads to all sorts
of problems, such as superstition, etc. Most common sense defeats
silly thinking such as superstition, but for some reason wefre
more stubborn when it comes to dreams and truly are afraid to
believe itfs impossible to control our future. Then when we fail,
we feel terrible, instead of realizing itfs natural to miss a
target. We can generally come close, with effort, but anyone who
claims gI WILLh do something is a fool. There are far too many
things wefd have to control to achieve large dreams or goals.
Itfs like playing darts and claiming gI WILL hit the bulls-eye
on this shoth (Statistically speaking, some people do). Anyway,
other people, nature, time, and a million factors contribute to
the future. Itfs easy to throw our lives away when we aim it at
one idea. Like darts, you donft need to win by aiming at the bulls-eye.
This is not pessimistic
thinking. Rather, it is like telling children that Santa Clause
doesnft exist. Itfs just how things are. We want to believe, but
eventually we have to grow up. I know now that itfs silly to put
all my effort into things that are uncontrollable. I will try
to hit the bulls-eye, but if I donft, Ifm not worried. Thatfs
the key. Everyone worries so much about being successful in life
they miss the whole point.
My good friend randomly
sent me a video one day, which I found very truthful. It sums
things up perfectly, I thinkc
I want to live life right
now. I want to enjoy things. Itfs stupid to get frustrated about
the future. If I have a family, or need a good job for another
reason, I will get one. If I need money, I can find a way to get
it. I always have. If to settle down and stay in one place I will.
However, right now, I have things I have to do; that I want to
do. Most importantly, I just want to enjoy life while I can. My
future will be fine, because Ifll take it as it comes. If other
people donft understand, thatfs their problem. Ifm only 27 and
Ifve achieved so much. Itfs ludicrous to settle down now. Dreams
may guide me at times, but if I miss the bulls-eye, it's alright.
There are still plenty of numbers to help me win.
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April
7th 2008 - (100th POST!!!!) Band together
Although I'm working
my butt off, the good thing is that it feels like home and everyone
at work is like family to me. On top of that, I'm gathering a force
of ppl to help with my car. Plus, I'm finding old friends from Japan
online. It seems like things are finally coming together here. Still
I wanna get ready to go back to Asia and travel the world. I also
hope I can hear from old students and friends again. Please let
me know if you know where to start! I miss you all.
The only sad thing is
that one relationship is getting further. I really gotta giveup,
just like my poker post before, heh. Some people just don't grow
up. Theyre stuck in their own circular reasoning and biased confused
thought. It's sad. Some people just forget what it means to be friends.
Oh well, still I can be comfortable knowing that at least I'm growing
and moving forward. At least, I'm trying, heh.
So the thought of the
day...
Positivity
I really love life. I'm enjoying learning and growing. I try to
find positivity in even the worst situations. I know it seems
I write a lot about problems and things I don't like, but it's
simply so I don't forget, and so I can learn. Misery likes company,
so people tend to dwell on negative aspects of life. As for myself,
the truth is that its easier to write about negative things. That's
just because, if I wrote about the positive things, then
I'd be writing forever.
I love my friends, and
family, and the experiences they give me. I've lived a fortunate
life full of amazing experiences. The thing that I love the most
is that, no matter how much of this life and universe is revealed,
theres always a million things to discover and learn. It's a wonderful
thing. I don't want to type forever, so I'll leave it there.
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March
29th 2008 - Is Ignorance Bliss?
I was really happy I
solved another huge problem with my car, again by myself. It's running
so much better now. I think it just needed to be reunited with me,
ha. Or perhaps it was happy I put Spiderman back in it (I'm kidding
of course). I also was able to relax by going to see the movie,
"Superhero Movie". Thankfully I wasn't expecting much
so it turned out to be a bit funnier than I'd expected. It was a
nice way to spend the evening.
Yesterday I watched
the movie, "The Kingdom" with Greg and Leah. It was a
wonderful example of what I've been talking about in my daily thoughts;
about all people being the same. I'll talk about that later.
On another note, some
other things have been really bothering me. So, I need to speak
further on what I spoke of before. So, here's todays thought...
Paranoia Agent
Last time, I spoke about humans' (including myself of course.
I am human, afterall) lack of exploration. In this installment,
I have to talk about something that is continuing to bother me.
It goes with the idea of "judging a book by it's cover".
People used to have problems
judging books by their covers. These days, there are reviews for
books online, so most people don't even look at the cover. Instead
of buying a book they simply read what other people think and
choose not to buy it if there are some negative thoughts. It's
as if we're saying "Everyone else thinks this sucks, so I
must think that too". It's silly. Obviously we sometimes
look at all the info objectively, and saving money is useful too,
but my point isn't really for books. Of course I'm speaking through
analogy. My point is that this can be said for the situation from
which the expression came. People these days, more and more, are
judging each other by reviews, without even seeing each other.
They hear rumors from friends and choose not to associate nor
decide for themselves. They simply take their friends' opinion
as fact.
Rumors have plagued mankind
since the invention of communication. However these days, with
a superfast information world, it seems, more than ever, we have
no time to decide things for ourselves, nor examine both sides
of a situation. The media doesn't help, either. Americans hate
people in the Middle East, and visa-versa. Even personal lives.
People choose to hate other people, just cause a friend has a
problem with them. As I learned from a friend, negativety breeds
negativety and he was truly right. It seems to just get worse.
The worst part is paranoia. Sometimes, even when we know people,
we create a false understanding. We assume things without actually
asking them or facing the problem. This can sometimes lead to
paranoia that any negative thinking may be true.
Negative thinking leads
to paranoia, whatever the level may be. Paranoia is good in short
bursts, I think, to keep you on your toes. However, people who
live with worries, will just be haunted by them, and therefore
hurt others. When we convince ourselves of something, we fight
others with that paranoia, and that just ends up making your fears
come true. In the end, nobody wins. You hurt them, and yourself.
Rather than be scared and
judge people, we really, really need to start understanding each
other. We can't be affraid to look at all sides of a situation.
We need to talk about our problems with each other, instead of
hiding it all. People who run from problems, or fight them, get
destroyed by them, and destroy others with them. People need to
stop guessing and spreading rumors and actually listen, read,
and talk problems out. Sadly, we will probably forever be unable
to do this.
As for paranoia and assumptions
and belief in rumors and ideas that aren't even real, I feel it's
an evil drug that will destroy humanity. Truthfully, I think these
emotions are crucial to life. I feel our bodies need paranoia
to keep us ready for survival. I feel we need to believe what
others say to adapt to an environment. I feel we need faith and
belief and hope to get us past our worries. However everyone takes
this natural human self defense and uses it so much, it becomes
offensive.
People use paranoia as
a reason to run from problems. People listen to others to decide
how to live their life. People have faith and belief to try to
get through every problem, and will fight anyone who challenges
their belief.
The movie "Pan's Labryinth"
had a wonderful way of showing that, sometimes, it's good to live
in our own little world. The problem exists when we try to function
in society and are affraid to leave that world. Once we have to
share our private thoughts with others, we become too defensive
and hurt each other. That's why this world will never solve this
problem. We all want to be individuals. The reality, therefore,
is that we must control others to stay as individuals.
We become friends with
someone, usually, because we have something in common. It's like
they agree with our private inner world, so we can accept them.
If someone disagrees we keep them away, or argue to instill our
own thoughts upon them. Therefore, one could argue that, in every
relationship, we are trying to control other people. So, perhaps
the only way the world can live in "peace" is if we
all think alike. Alternatively, we can just accept others for
who they are. In other words, learn to live in our own world,
when we need to, but a shared world when we're with others.
I doubt this will happen
in the lifespan of mankind. As I said, we will most likely always
run from problems, judge others too strongly, and lie to ourselves
in general. As with all the problems I talk about on this blog,
I, myself, am guilty of this. I write these things to remember
to change, or at least to do my best. I'm getting there. I'd like
to think I'm further than other people who don't realize it. I'd
like to think I'm further than I used to be. Time will tell.
I really hate being judged
before people know me. We all hate this. Please, don't listen
to rumors from people who are too affraid to face a problem. Please
don't make assumptions because you're too affraid to assess the
situation properly. Please don't judge me if you only hear one
side of the story. That is biased and often horribly exhagerated.
Please don't judge me because someone said something bad about
me. Lastly, please don't judge me because I've made some mistakes.
Get to know me, and you can decide for yourself.
|
March
25th 2008 - Ignorance is Bliss
Took my car to Saturn. They couldn't
do anything to fix the SES light. They do what everyone else does.
They play the blame game. "Oh well there's a turbo, so you
modified the car, we dunno what the problem could be" and the
tuner shops say "well the last guy did this, so maybe the problem
was from that" etc etc. everyone just makes excuses but nobody
ever solves the problem! i don't care how it happened, just fix
it! you're a mechanic, it's your freakin job. ug-_-. Then when they're
done blaming other shops, they blame me for taking it to other places
or doing things myself. Oh well, it was still nice they enjoyed
the car ha. they said it was impressive and everyone in the shop
was glad to have a new change of pace. Anyway I'll take it to get
properly tuned later this week. Hopefully all should go well^^.
Last night was great. I came across
a CRAPLOAD more things to study. It's kind of crazy though, every
door of info i open, there are 20 more. sheesh. i'm gonna be studyin
all my life-_-. ha. anyway its fun.
Well anyway, it's time for the thought
of the day...
Think outside the
box
Before, I mentioned that most of my research leads me to see how
we're all similar. Today I'm gonna touch on one more area within
that research. Therefore, this will also be a long ass post.
In the last post, I spoke
of "Internet Idiots". The truth is that we're all idiots,
in a similar way. Actually, it's not idiocy, just more of a shortcut
for thinking. By nature, we follow authority figures to shape
our thought process. To save time, we adopt ideas from people
around us to make a default for what we should follow in certain
circumstances. It's a way of adapting to our environment, so we
can survive better. This process gets programmed, and we then
resort to it for all future uses. This process is a form of cognitive
thinking. It helps us speed things up so we can perform simple
functions without thinking, so we can use our main focus on new
or unusual things. As a result, we all think, move, and react
to things in similar ways without us realizing it.
This shortcut thinking,
or rather "operant conditioning" can be seen as "thinking inside the box". It's very useful for survival,
but becomes a problem in some circumstances. We sometimes adopt
things too soon, especially when we find no drawbacks. Therefore,
we fail to fully explore behavior. We don't know if it's positive,
or if beliefs are true. In terms of opinions is where conditioned
thinking truly becomes dangerous.
One area we see much conditioned
thinking is with religion and superstitions. Astrology and other
mystic beliefs are also a popular area. Some people follow what
parents tell them. Some people have a life changing experience
and so they follow that. The more problems we have in life, the
more we seek a comforting "devine power", whether it's
religion, astrology, or good luck charms, etc. The problem is
that we're so happy when something works, we don't bother exploring
any further. We even end up fighting over it. Many times, we try
to force our opinions on others.
These days, with internet,
it's becoming more and more popular to fall victim to this. More
and more people are becoming connected, more options and views
are out there, and so people are adopting more things too soon
and sticking to it. This is good in some aspects, but very bad
in others. Young people especially have this problem. Young people
these days are picking up more and more false beliefs and bad
habits, and sharing it with others. We all gotta be careful cause
we all do it. I know I sure do.
B.F. Skinner had a good
test related to this conditioning and reinforcement. Basically,
he had pigeons in cages. Inside the cages were doors that would
open and drop food. If a bird did something specific, the door
would open and food would come out. Therefore it learned to do
this anytime it wanted food. The problem occured when Skinner
had the doors programmed to open totally randomly. There was no
pattern or reason, it was all odds. However the birds did not
know this. Therefore, when one bird, for example turned its head
to the left and food came out, it was random, but the bird thought
it was a reward. It continued to do this hundreds of times, even
when food didn't drop. Another bird would jump back and forth
like an idiot for hours just because one time it worked. Through
tests, he found this behavior to be similar with all animals,
including humans.
Just like with religion,
and superstitions, we sometimes just believe things because it
works for us more often than not. When it's difficult to find
the answer, we adopt things even quicker. Hundreds of years ago
people knew the Earth was the center of the solar system.
People knew the Earth was flat. They couldnt prove anything,
so they just adopted popular beliefs, and condemned anyone who
thought otherwise. Now we look back at old religions and superstitions
and laugh at them. However, I think in hundreds of years people
will be laughing at us. Afterall, if we don't have enough PROOF,
then why are we putting so much faith in things. How can every
religion, for example, know theirs is the correct one. These days,
especially, with so many ideas out there to explore, people are
adopting some ideas too quickly. Not many people are taking the
time to sit back and "think outside the box".
The other dangerous area
is in social aspects and opinions of others. People follow friends
opinions without exploring. So, even if people haven't met someone,
they judge them completely based off what others say. We should
spend more time and learn about people and it can stop crazy ass
things like shootings in school and whatnot.
I'm guilty of this. We're
all guilty of this. It's natural and we're born with it. It's
important to realize that we NEED this ability to survive. Sometimes
shortcuts and assumptions are very important. However, we must
not use this behavior for everything. We must try our best to
explore more.
There are certain instances,
though, where we must adopt certain beliefs. Faith in things,
where proof does not exist, can be important, but we must be careful.
I'll talk about that next time, perhaps.
|
March
24th 2008 - More than meets the eye
I've been studying about
eyes. Amazing stuff. I'll talk more about it sometime. Starting
learning though cause I realized I don't pay enough attention to
something so important. i never notice eyes. i'm a mouth person.
maybe cause my dad is a dentist, its programmed into me, haha.
My car is slowly getting
better each day. I swear i'm the only one who knows how to take
care of it.. or wants to haa.
Also kinda addicted
to "America's Best Dance Crew" on MTV. I love JabbaWockeez
XD! haha. Watching kinda makes me wanna learn how to dance. doubt
I'd ever use it in a club. Still, seems like fun and good exercise.
Like my Parkour hobby in Japan. Hopefully dancing won't dislocate
my shoulder though XD.
Today's thought goes
along with the eye study. It's about being more personal with people:
Disconnective connectivity
The internet is a wonderful tool for connecting the world. This
has so many amazing benefits, but some drawbacks as well. There
aren't many official documents studying internet and sociology,
and esp pyschology, but I made a few observations on my own. Here
are some problems I've found with the Internet and connectivity:
Emo:
Emo is a phase that, i THINK, is dying now thankfully.
Emo refers to people who bitch a lot, basically. It's mostly
teenagers, somewhat resembling goth who just complain about
how much pain is in the world. Bands sing about teen angst,
and so forth. I was very "Emo" for awhile, ha. I grew
out of it quickly, thankfully, thanks to some random people.
Emo is a phase
that couldn't be possible without the Internet. It's because kids
can connect with each other and realize, "omg we feel the
same pain"... No shit, morons. It's like I talked about before,
how we're all the same. When [slightly] older people were kids,
we couldn't talk about shit with so many people. So, we learned
to get over it on our own. We grew up. We learn from pain. Anyway
that's why older people hate the emo teens. We all lived it, we
all got over it. They're too busy gathering together agreeing
the world sucks though. Southpark had a great view of it in this episode, titled, "Raisins". Since
everyone picks on emo kids, they'll probably stop their bitching
and grow up like the rest of us.
Internet Geniuses:
I hate these people, also known as "haters"
on sites like Youtube and whatnot. I label them "Internet
Geniuses" because they think they know everything.
Being able to voice your opinion has led people to think they
know everything and tell other people theyre stupid.
Internet Idiots:
These are gullable people who believe anything
they see or read. They fall victim to "Internet Geniuses"
and other false info. Wikipedia and other such sites inadvertently
add to the problem. This is a really huge problem because, as
humans, most of us are idiots like this in some way. We hear
or read false info and take it as fact. We don't like taking
time to study and learn all the sides, and understand what's
credible. Plus, the younger, the dumber. I'll talk of this later,
perhaps in my next post. It reminds me of studies by B.F. Skinner.
Richard Dawkins' and Derren Brown's ideas go a bit with this topic too.
Soul-Eater sites:
Myspace, Facebook, chatting, etc kill souls.
They make people zombies. People have no idea how to truly interact
with people, because they're losing more and more personal info.
Talking on the phone sucks cause you can't see the person. Chatting
sucks cause you can't hear the person. Now people aren't even
talking in real time. People are becoming less and less personal
and they're totally forgetting how to function in society. I've
met many people through the internet, and there are a bunch
of fake mindless idiots. Get out people, learn how to talk to
a human, not a fucking computer. Geez. Sadly, though, we all
dislike confrontation in a way. Plus, I have met plenty of cool,
down-to-Earth people too.
|
March
22nd 2008 - One step forward, Two steps back
After 2.5 months of
waiting, i FINALLY got my car back! But, as usual there's a catch.
it was actually in the worst condition ever-_-! i was soooo depressed.
but i worked on it for 6 hrs straight and fixed most of the problems
myself. in one day i think i helped it more than the shop, ha. i
changed the brakes, wheels, did some body work, and adjusted some
things on the engine. still, there's a loooong way to go. i can't
wait till its in top shape again. hopefully by summer.
not much other news.
keep losing time to study. seems no matter how much progress i make,
it's never enough. but i'm never worried. just take one day at a
time. feeling comfortable.
The idea of advancing,
then falling back led me to todays thought:
Tears in rain
I have a strong fascination with history. One thing that is very
obvious is that history repeats itself. That's a common saying.
Due to this, we should do our best to study and understand our
past. However, the other obviously big problem is how much is lost throughout history. We assume people of the past
were less intellegent, or inferior, yet things such as the Pyramids,
the Great Wall of China, Stonehenge, etc. remain mysteries. We
claim ancient societies didn't have proper knowledge, but the
proof is there in front of us. For so many of history's great
achievements, we don't know exactly how they were made, and in
some cases, why. And, for every unsolved mystery, there are thousands
that we never even know existed. So much is lost. It's the same
with individual lives.
We lose so much important
information in our life. Much of this is lost because it's in
a time we don't want to remember. Most people run from painful
experiences. That's just human nature. Many people face their
fears. Even that can be dangerous in extreme situations. Balance
is key. Unfortunitely, some important people in my life have run
from their pasts. I've always tried to face my problems. Even
when I run, I remember, and try to learn from past problems. One
thing you can compare life to is a fight. You can run for awhile,
but eventually you're gonna get trapped in a corner, and then
it's over. You either have to give up, or move forward and keep
fighting. Too many people just run from everything, and never
learn.
Like history, we tend to
forget problems, or treat them as something too big. Balance is
a key to everything, yet we get too extreme usually. Just like
people worry about being too fat, or try to be super fit. People
argue they are the best, or their problems are the worst. It's
hard to see middle ground. People who remember history, usually
only remember the bad things, or nothing at all. Just like the
secrets of the pyramids or maths and sciences of history. Metallurgy,
geometry, chemistry, biology, transportation, and technology are
all lost so often throughout history.
The saddest thing of all,
is that happy moments are so easily forgotten. We are so busy
complaining about pain and problems, that we overlook happy moments,
as if those moments are expected. We're so greedy, we feel life
is unfair when we have problems, forgetting fair means having
bad with the good. light with dark, life with death, and so on.
Pain, for me, isn't what
really happened in the past. I can handle that, with time. What
breaks my heart is what is lost. That doesn't come back. In relationships,
and in everything. I've achieved so much and enjoyed so much in
this life, but nobody will ever know it. Thankfully I know it,
so I'm content, but still it's sad things go without notice. I
don't like to brag much, so things remain secret. I wish people
would search more. Other people are too busy seeing problems,
they overlook the good. This happens in too many people, which
is why I try not to judge people until I know them more.
Relationships are the worst.
Not just love, but also between races, nationalities, etc. When
couples breakup, people try to erase the whole relationship. Some
people start erasing before it ends. They hide friends, keep secrets,
etc. They're almost giving up before it's even over. But 90% of
couples seem to erase everything when it's over. This is sad.
It's the same with war, and everything in history. People erase
a whole lifetime, including the good.
I keep memories and even
gifts, etc from all walks of life. This inlcudes past girlfriends.
I no longer treat them special. I don't use them or even look
at them often. Still, new girlfriends get angry. Many guys and
girls alike share this around the world. They feel like, once
a relationship is over, you must burn everything and move on.
But.. if we do that, what do we learn about ourselves? The answer
is nothing. I will continue to cherrish my past,
no matter how painful. It has made me who I am and helped me grow,
even if it wasn't by much. New girlfriends have to trust me, as
I would them. That's childish to get jealous. It's human, but
childish. You have to learn to trust. If you don't trust, you're
already doomed, because you didn't learn. Of course I will never
go back to old girlfriends, because I learned from them. I learned
I can't trust them, or that we just won't work, for whatever reason.
Of course every relationship is different. Anyway this burning
of the past or starting a new life is what I dislike about human
nature. It's very refreshing, but it's limiting our potential.
In conclusion, I want to
end how I began this exerpt. As you see, the title is "Tears
in rain". I got this poetic line from the wonderful
movie, "Blade Runner", a pop culture classic.
It's about a group of renegade cyborgs who revolt against their
creators because they put an 'expiration date' on them, so to
speak. For safety, the cyborgs are programmed to "die"
after 5 years. Because of this, they search for an answer, like
we all do when we face death. In the end, the antagonist, Rutger
Hauer, catches the protagonist, Harrison Ford, but rather than
kill him, he shares his thoughts. Although it's a bit sci-fi,
I think it's so moving and sums up perfectly what I'm talking
about here. Watch for yourself and you'll understand:
I'm sure we all have something similar to share,
if just we change the words. I have a million things I could say,
about family, about love, about hobbies, travel, driving etc.
For now though, I will simply give an example I think of often,
because it was the biggest chunk erased from my life: "We shared moments most people we know
will never realize existed. From the beginning, freezing for hours
to take pictures of ice, just to be in each others' presence.
We sat on stacked furniture, just so we could see the snow fall.
Thousands of moments, and 5 yrs of our lives, will be lost.. in
time.. like tears in rain."
I don't mind losing or feeling pain. Pain heals.
The terrible thing is when other people take away a chunk of history
that helped more than one person grow so much. It's such a waste.
Nobody will know this time was even there. It's.. history.. but
not even that.
When we drive, we keep moving forward. All cars
have rearview mirrors. If you look in them too long, you will
lose sight of the road ahead, and you will crash. If you don't
look in them at all, whatever is behind you might catch up and
crash into you. Remember your past, everyone. Don't be affraid
of looking back, as long as it doesn't stop you from moving forward.
Learn, grow, and enjoy the ride.
|
March
17th 2008 - I am an Earthling
First off, The last
couple days sucked ass. Though the fundraiser for Ty was a success,
some things that night kinda pissed me off. Today I picked up 2
extra shifts at work and it was so damned busy and annoying, ha.
Plus, of course my freakin' car isn't done. I'm so sick of unreliable
companies.
On a more upbeat note,
I'm thinking even more now, as if i didn't enough before, ha. One
thing I think about is how I can't stay in one place. Now that I've
traveled the world and seen so many things, I just wanna keep moving
and learning, meeting new people, and discovering the world. Hopefully
I can make a difference in peoples' lives. If nothing else, people
will surely make a difference in mine. I have no one place i call
home now. Of course it's mostly America. Still travel is important
to me. I'll settle down eventually. But I never want to stop traveling.
Wherever I go I pick up something from each culture. I find myself
supporting them and feeling the culture as another part of me. of
course I'm mostly American since I spent most of my life here. Still,
since i just wanna travel more and learn more about people, cultures,
and the world, and since I see the world adapting and globalizing,
i can only see myself as an earthling, ha. However, if we ever start
space travel in my lifetime that may change too.
And now as promised,
its time for the thought of the day, a continuation of the last
one.
We are all the
same
This is the topic I've been emphasizing more and more these days.
The more I study and learn and travel and see other cultures;
the more I study psychology, sociology, religion, biology, and
even history, the more this fact shines through. I could easily
write a whole book on this idea alone, and perhaps will someday.
For now, I'll try to emphasize the main points. Even in summary,
this will be perhaps the longest post you'll see me write...
Humans, by nature, want
to be indviduals, and they'll fight more than anything to prove
it. From our religious beliefs, to our wardrobe, to our hobbies,
and even something as simple as movie opinions we strive to prove
our individuality. Perhaps it's because our subconscious knows
deep down that we're not individuals. This is why trends develop,
and the need to be the 1st at something, though that 1st doesn't
last long at all. We are all the same, or at least the basis of
our chemistry is. Whether it be our personality, heredity, pre-programmed
behavior, or even down to our DNA. Even animals share most traits
that humans do. Our "individuality" relies on the order
of what we unlock within ourselves. It is shaped by our environment,
families, teachers, and experiences. Humans have an ultimate program,
and our brains, for example, are super computers.
The brain is a tremendous
force to be reckoned with. It soaks in more info than we could
ever imagine or comprehend. From the moment we're born it's working
to understand the world. We all have basically the same potential,
but the order in which we learn and how much we retain is different.
So though our potential is virtually identical, the path we take
there and where we are at any given time, is what defines our
individuality. The mind, though, holds most of our potential.
It has so many abilities.
What some people don't
realize is that we don't have powers to see the future or to be
psychic. These "powers" are just illusions, or tricks
of the mind. They are accurate guesses based off of pre-learned
information or simply mis-direction of the logical part of our
brain. The brain cannot do things that are not already learned
(this includes hereditary memory which I won't get into now).
One great example of this was in a blind patient, who got their
sight back. In one case I saw, a man underwent a surgery to restore
eyesight he lost when he was a child. He lived for more than 25
yrs with no sight. Once he could see again, he saw everything
a normal person does, but he was still blind, in a way. Basically,
although he could see everything, he had no idea what anything
was. His brain never learned how to see the world through his
eyes. He didnt know the difference between a smile and a frown.
He couldnt judge distance or height of objects, and so he still
can't function without a cane or help. It's the same with dreams.
When people dream they
sometimes think it's a key to the future. Really, we are processing
all the info we've learned and filing it. We're not looking at
the future. If anyting, it's what we want the future
to be: Perhaps it's a strategy or game plan for you to think about.
In the case of nightmares, it's what we fear the future
to be. Still it cannot process what it hasn't learned. We need
sleep so that it can do this. Dreams are simply a collection of
what the brain has learned and trying to organize and make sense
of it. I'll talk a lot more about dreams another time.
One interesting thing that
makes us similar is DNA. Although all DNA differs, all the variables
are the same. The difference is the order, ammount, and type.
For example, to engineer a dinosaur, scientists are testing with
birds. In small birds, just by changing one variable they have
successfully been able to change feathers to scales, wings to
hands, extend their tails, and even grow teeth! I think humans
are the same. Overall, most living things share an overall program
with different variables. It's a lot like video game characters
(sorry to all those who don't play video games). For example,
in sports games they let you create your own player. There are
many variables to make your character unique. However, there are
only a limited amount of variables. Everyone's potential is pre-programmed.
It's a lot like the real world. The only difference is that our
potential is enormous. We've perhaps only tapped into 1/10,000,000
of it. It's impossible to tell at this point.
Aliens are a fun idea to
throw in here. Although I'm not saying the stereotypical alien
we see in movies have been discovered, I do think it's ironic
that they always come sharing the same appearance, height, body
features, etc. They usually are telepathic and are impossible
to distinguish. Perhaps this is what we are to expect from our
future. Once we reach our full potential we'll grow more and more
alike. Don't worry though, there is still much room to forever
be different in some way from one another. More on that later...
The biggest area we need
to see is that emotionally, mentally, and physically we are all
the same. Humans, among cultures and countries are all the same.
I see this more and more as I try to discover why we do things
and how we behave. Also as I learn other cultures that are totally
different I see underlying similarities. The important thing to
look at isn't how or what, but why.
Feelings are the things
that drive individuality. However, as much as we fight, love,
hate, etc. it's all the same. While one person loses a cat, and
another loses their child, they may feel the same amount of sadness.
EVERYONE feels the same amount of sadness, stress, hope, etc in
their life. The only difference in extremity is what society labels.
Without these labels, we couldn't say who has worse experiences.
We can't feel each others' pain. An example I like to use is with
children. When a child falls, even though it hurts, they don't
always cry. When they see their mother freak out and try to console
them, THEN they realize they're in pain, and begin to cry. If
the mother acknowledges the child, looks them in the eye, and
laughs or disregards it, the baby will often stop caring as well.
It judges how extreme the situation is by the reaction of his/her
mother.
We must never judge people
on how bad their lives are. As with anything, we try to compete
to see who had worse experiences. The truth, though, is that we've
all had equally terrible lives in our own eyes and equally impressive
lives. The need to compete is our way of fighting the inevitable
equality of everyone. In the end, whether we like to admit it
or not, we are all the same. It's important we realize that. Once
we do, we can start to solve our problems. Those who learn it
can start to predict things better.
Perhaps my favorite quote
comes from the most amazing man I've ever known. He knew more
about the human mind than most people in history. Once I heard
him say, "Perhaps the most predictible thing about humans,
is that we want to believe we're not predictible". This sums
everything up, I believe. We are all the same, and therefore incredibly
predictible. The more we know about human nature, the more we
can predict how others will react. Our need to be unique is just
proving it more. Ironically, this keeps us from being perfect.
It keeps us from solving our problems and reaching our full potential.
Thus, we end up being individual and unique afterall, in just
a small way. This proves the most amazing thing about the mind.
If we want something, we can achieve it, whether we realize it
or not.
These are just some of
the main points of my research. I will draw upon them further
in the future. For now, I just had to say what was on my mind.
Hopefully it gets on other people's minds too, and the world keeps
turning. I'm out. Peace.
|
March
11th 2008 - Snow, gas, and stupid kids
Over the weekend we
had a record snowstorm. On saturday it was actually illegal to drive
unless it was an emergency, ha. i just stayed home and chilled (stupid
pun, sorry). This week.. um.. nothing is special so far. Hopefully
will get my car back, now that gas prices are $3.45/gallon. wtf!!
ugggg gas is stupid-_-. my car will run on poop someday. but i dont
think i can poop enough. now i really wanna work hard and promoting
hydrogen cell race cars and alternative fuel vehicles. they suck
ass, but with competition, they'll improve. the sooner the better.
lets take the fortune away from the oil tycoons.
ok time for the daily
thought:
The ignorance of
youth.
Being at an age between childhood and middle-age, I can now look
at both sides with reasonable objectivity. It's no secret that
kids hate parents, in a way. Parents and adults annoy, anger,
embarass, and confuse kids. The problem, is that kids always claim
parents don't understand them. It's shocking to think such a thing.
They don't realize the parents understand them completely, because
they, too, were once kids. They are strict with kids because they
want to protect them, because they made many mistakes and don't
want to see their kids make the same. We can't go back in time
to fix our lives, so all we can do is prepare the next generation.
The only problem is that parents forget 2 things. 1) mistakes
are what help us grow, and 2) that kids are stubborn little bastards,
ha. Nobody likes to be told what to do. Plus, kids have an overwhelming
need to be individuals and independent. The ironic thing is that
humans are the furthest thing from that. More on that thought
next time...
|
March
8th 2008 - Poker Face
Not much new this week.
Next week will be Ty's Fundraiser. and hopefully will finally get
my car back. other than that i'm trying to get my damn money from
nova. thankfully i already accounted it as a loss so if i get it,
its a bonus, ha^^. not expecting much though. thankfully i'm not
too worried about money still.
And now time for the
thought for the day:
Sometimes you have
to lose to win.
When you get cheated, it's natural to kick and scream. When you
lose at something you worked hard for and wanted more than anything,
in an unfair and unexpected way, you go crazy: When you do what
you're supposed to, but still fail, you complain. The harder you
crash, the more you wanna cry. That's human nature. However, while
it helps relieve your stress, it brings resentment toward you.
When you complain to a
good friend, they can comfort you. In this case, its ok to vent.
people really do care sometimes. empathy is natural. however anything
less than the closest friend, will still leave much chance to
be judged in a negative way. especially if you worry or complain
too much. sadly, even if your whole life is a wreck, you can only
complain briefly and to only a select few people. negativity breeds
negativity. you end up losing even more if you're not careful.
this goes somewhat in hand with what i said about being humble
in the last post.
It's so hard to do, almost
impossible, especially if your whole life is lost in an instant.
still, you can't complain or you lose completely. life's not fair
and thats the hardest thing to accept. its a lot like poker. i
compare life to many things. i have about 20 or more things i
relate life to (and that does NOT include a "box of chocolates"
hahaXD). one of the best analogies is that of poker, especially
for social problems.
In poker, having the best
hand doesn't always win. Poker is a game of deception, trust,
hope, luck, and mostly the ability to read other players, and
more importantly, knowing how to play your hand accordingly. The
song, The Gambler states some of
the best points: "You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when
to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run": "Every
hand's a winner, and every hand's a loser".
In life, you have to know
when to fold. Even if you have the best hand, betting too high
will scare other players off. There are so many factors you have
to pay attention to. If you lose a game with a friend, you can't
complain cause you'll sound like a bigger loser. When you fail
a test cause of misinformation, and argue it, the teacher will
just become more biased against you. When you breakup with a bf/gf
you can't argue, cause it'll just make them angry and feel they
were right for what they did, even if what they did was horrible.
This isn't always the case, but that's why it's like poker. You
have to be extra careful of how you play the hand and how much
you gamble.
For the most part, whether
its a competition or a game, or a relationship, you can't yell
"cheater cheater they cheated!", you just have to hope
the cards are in your favor. Life is poker. you gotta know when
to walk away. When to give up. Pride is good, but knowledge is
power. You gotta know when to fold'em. sometimes you have no choice.
sometimes you gotta lose in order to win. its so hard. it sucks
ass. but that's life. Just get ready for the next hand life deals
you. If you have even one chip left on the table, you're in the
game. Learn the game, and you'll win eventually.
|
March
3rd 2008 - Busy, busy
Well once again i put
off updating this thing. 1 reason is cause I've been really busy
with work, doing several jobs and planning several others. Also
I've been job hunting, but not so much the past couple weeks since
ive been busy with everything else. Hopefully my small jobs ive
been doing turn to big jobs, but if not i have an open ticket back
to asia, good until feb 2009. i've covered all my angles but getting
to my objective takes time.
Another reason i havent
updated is cause too much is on my mind. i said last post that i
will start putting my thoughts and observations on this thing. but
i just have too many. i'm studying nonstop and learning and thinking
more than ever so i just cant get it all down. so i'll work slowly.
i'll pick 1 random thought a day perhaps, out of the dozens. todays
thought:
Being
humble
I always grew up believing it's better to teach a man to fish,
than give a man a fish. I think people should learn how to be
independent. It's what i've done all my life: In all my relationships,
esp with love, i attempt to teach ppl to make them independent,
rather than just make them happy. I don't want a weak gf who needs
me to do everything. I don't want a scared weak child or even
parents who giveup thinking theyre too old. I want people I care
about to learn and grow, just as i have. i love learning and want
others to be proud of themselves, as i always have been of myself.
The problem I've found
is that all this time, I've been victim to an unforseen outcome
of that: Selfishness. Selfishness ensues on account of both parties
when you "teach a man to fish". whether it be children
rebelling against parents, the fact that nobody likes to be told
anything, or simply the need for people to strive to be the best
and compete, even against their mentors. the mentor, too, however
is selfish. this is because the person they taught forgets who
taught them, and sometimes rebels against them, leading to a feeling
of resentment. the teacher feels cheated, and that they are owed
acknowledgement. this, too, is selfish.
When you "give a man
a fish", that person is grateful. they always remember who
gave it to them. they bear no ill feelings, and, even if they
do, they still have that memory of a good moment. although they
learn nothing, and will look for other people to 'feed' them too,
at least they do not rebel. at least they stay happy and dont
run away or discard the memories.
So, is it better to "give
a man a fish", or to "teach a man to fish"? I kind
of like the idea of giving now, cause it's less depressing, ha.
but it shouldn't matter if you're humble enough. although giving
a man a fish is less stressful for sure, i think both are fine
now, but its conditional. if you "give a man a fish",
then be prepared with the knowledge that you'll never be the one
who gave them the most. they will always look to others. if you
"teach a man to fish", then be humble enough to deal
with the rebellion. know they will forget you and all your words.
they will remember your teachings, but will not remember why,
or where it came from. like a parent watching a child grow. like
the cats and the cradle, and the silver spoon, little boy blue
and the man in the moon. just be happy knowing you gave them what
they needed for life. don't be selfish. we're all victim to the
loneliness and betrayal, but just know you're always one step
ahead. and make sure you keep moving forward as well.
|
April
7th 2008 - (100th POST!!!!) Band together
Although I'm working
my butt off, the good thing is that it feels like home and everyone
at work is like family to me. On top of that, I'm gathering a force
of ppl to help with my car. Plus, I'm finding old friends from Japan
online. It seems like things are finally coming together here. Still
I wanna get ready to go back to Asia and travel the world. I also
hope I can hear from old students and friends again. Please let
me know if you know where to start! I miss you all.
The only sad thing is
that one relationship is getting further. I really gotta giveup,
just like my poker post before, heh. Some people just don't grow
up. Theyre stuck in their own circular reasoning and biased confused
thought. It's sad. Some people just forget what it means to be friends.
Oh well, still I can be comfortable knowing that at least I'm growing
and moving forward. At least, I'm trying, heh.
So the thought of the
day...
Positivity
I really love life. I'm enjoying learning and growing. I try to
find positivity in even the worst situations. I know it seems
I write a lot about problems and things I don't like, but it's
simply so I don't forget, and so I can learn. Misery likes company,
so people tend to dwell on negative aspects of life. As for myself,
the truth is that its easier to write about negative things. That's
just because, if I wrote about the positive things, then
I'd be writing forever.
I love my friends, and
family, and the experiences they give me. I've lived a fortunate
life full of amazing experiences. The thing that I love the most
is that, no matter how much of this life and universe is revealed,
theres always a million things to discover and learn. It's a wonderful
thing. I don't want to type forever, so I'll leave it there.
|
March
29th 2008 - Is Ignorance Bliss?
I was really happy I
solved another huge problem with my car, again by myself. It's running
so much better now. I think it just needed to be reunited with me,
ha. Or perhaps it was happy I put Spiderman back in it (I'm kidding
of course). I also was able to relax by going to see the movie,
"Superhero Movie". Thankfully I wasn't expecting much
so it turned out to be a bit funnier than I'd expected. It was a
nice way to spend the evening.
Yesterday I watched
the movie, "The Kingdom" with Greg and Leah. It was a
wonderful example of what I've been talking about in my daily thoughts;
about all people being the same. I'll talk about that later.
On another note, some
other things have been really bothering me. So, I need to speak
further on what I spoke of before. So, here's todays thought...
Paranoia Agent
Last time, I spoke about humans' (including myself of course.
I am human, afterall) lack of exploration. In this installment,
I have to talk about something that is continuing to bother me.
It goes with the idea of "judging a book by it's cover".
People used to have problems
judging books by their covers. These days, there are reviews for
books online, so most people don't even look at the cover. Instead
of buying a book they simply read what other people think and
choose not to buy it if there are some negative thoughts. It's
as if we're saying "Everyone else thinks this sucks, so I
must think that too". It's silly. Obviously we sometimes
look at all the info objectively, and saving money is useful too,
but my point isn't really for books. Of course I'm speaking through
analogy. My point is that this can be said for the situation from
which the expression came. People these days, more and more, are
judging each other by reviews, without even seeing each other.
They hear rumors from friends and choose not to associate nor
decide for themselves. They simply take their friends' opinion
as fact.
Rumors have plagued mankind
since the invention of communication. However these days, with
a superfast information world, it seems, more than ever, we have
no time to decide things for ourselves, nor examine both sides
of a situation. The media doesn't help, either. Americans hate
people in the Middle East, and visa-versa. Even personal lives.
People choose to hate other people, just cause a friend has a
problem with them. As I learned from a friend, negativety breeds
negativety and he was truly right. It seems to just get worse.
The worst part is paranoia. Sometimes, even when we know people,
we create a false understanding. We assume things without actually
asking them or facing the problem. This can sometimes lead to
paranoia that any negative thinking may be true.
Negative thinking leads
to paranoia, whatever the level may be. Paranoia is good in short
bursts, I think, to keep you on your toes. However, people who
live with worries, will just be haunted by them, and therefore
hurt others. When we convince ourselves of something, we fight
others with that paranoia, and that just ends up making your fears
come true. In the end, nobody wins. You hurt them, and yourself.
Rather than be scared and
judge people, we really, really need to start understanding each
other. We can't be affraid to look at all sides of a situation.
We need to talk about our problems with each other, instead of
hiding it all. People who run from problems, or fight them, get
destroyed by them, and destroy others with them. People need to
stop guessing and spreading rumors and actually listen, read,
and talk problems out. Sadly, we will probably forever be unable
to do this.
As for paranoia and assumptions
and belief in rumors and ideas that aren't even real, I feel it's
an evil drug that will destroy humanity. Truthfully, I think these
emotions are crucial to life. I feel our bodies need paranoia
to keep us ready for survival. I feel we need to believe what
others say to adapt to an environment. I feel we need faith and
belief and hope to get us past our worries. However everyone takes
this natural human self defense and uses it so much, it becomes
offensive.
People use paranoia as
a reason to run from problems. People listen to others to decide
how to live their life. People have faith and belief to try to
get through every problem, and will fight anyone who challenges
their belief.
The movie "Pan's Labryinth"
had a wonderful way of showing that, sometimes, it's good to live
in our own little world. The problem exists when we try to function
in society and are affraid to leave that world. Once we have to
share our private thoughts with others, we become too defensive
and hurt each other. That's why this world will never solve this
problem. We all want to be individuals. The reality, therefore,
is that we must control others to stay as individuals.
We become friends with
someone, usually, because we have something in common. It's like
they agree with our private inner world, so we can accept them.
If someone disagrees we keep them away, or argue to instill our
own thoughts upon them. Therefore, one could argue that, in every
relationship, we are trying to control other people. So, perhaps
the only way the world can live in "peace" is if we
all think alike. Alternatively, we can just accept others for
who they are. In other words, learn to live in our own world,
when we need to, but a shared world when we're with others.
I doubt this will happen
in the lifespan of mankind. As I said, we will most likely always
run from problems, judge others too strongly, and lie to ourselves
in general. As with all the problems I talk about on this blog,
I, myself, am guilty of this. I write these things to remember
to change, or at least to do my best. I'm getting there. I'd like
to think I'm further than other people who don't realize it. I'd
like to think I'm further than I used to be. Time will tell.
I really hate being judged
before people know me. We all hate this. Please, don't listen
to rumors from people who are too affraid to face a problem. Please
don't make assumptions because you're too affraid to assess the
situation properly. Please don't judge me if you only hear one
side of the story. That is biased and often horribly exhagerated.
Please don't judge me because someone said something bad about
me. Lastly, please don't judge me because I've made some mistakes.
Get to know me, and you can decide for yourself.
|
March
25th 2008 - Ignorance is Bliss
Took my car to Saturn. They couldn't
do anything to fix the SES light. They do what everyone else does.
They play the blame game. "Oh well there's a turbo, so you
modified the car, we dunno what the problem could be" and the
tuner shops say "well the last guy did this, so maybe the problem
was from that" etc etc. everyone just makes excuses but nobody
ever solves the problem! i don't care how it happened, just fix
it! you're a mechanic, it's your freakin job. ug-_-. Then when they're
done blaming other shops, they blame me for taking it to other places
or doing things myself. Oh well, it was still nice they enjoyed
the car ha. they said it was impressive and everyone in the shop
was glad to have a new change of pace. Anyway I'll take it to get
properly tuned later this week. Hopefully all should go well^^.
Last night was great. I came across
a CRAPLOAD more things to study. It's kind of crazy though, every
door of info i open, there are 20 more. sheesh. i'm gonna be studyin
all my life-_-. ha. anyway its fun.
Well anyway, it's time for the thought
of the day...
Think outside the
box
Before, I mentioned that most of my research leads me to see how
we're all similar. Today I'm gonna touch on one more area within
that research. Therefore, this will also be a long ass post.
In the last post, I spoke
of "Internet Idiots". The truth is that we're all idiots,
in a similar way. Actually, it's not idiocy, just more of a shortcut
for thinking. By nature, we follow authority figures to shape
our thought process. To save time, we adopt ideas from people
around us to make a default for what we should follow in certain
circumstances. It's a way of adapting to our environment, so we
can survive better. This process gets programmed, and we then
resort to it for all future uses. This process is a form of cognitive
thinking. It helps us speed things up so we can perform simple
functions without thinking, so we can use our main focus on new
or unusual things. As a result, we all think, move, and react
to things in similar ways without us realizing it.
This shortcut thinking,
or rather "operant conditioning" can be seen as "thinking
inside the box". It's very useful for survival,
but becomes a problem in some circumstances. We sometimes adopt
things too soon, especially when we find no drawbacks. Therefore,
we fail to fully explore behavior. We don't know if it's positive,
or if beliefs are true. In terms of opinions is where conditioned
thinking truly becomes dangerous.
One area we see much conditioned
thinking is with religion and superstitions. Astrology and other
mystic beliefs are also a popular area. Some people follow what
parents tell them. Some people have a life changing experience
and so they follow that. The more problems we have in life, the
more we seek a comforting "devine power", whether it's
religion, astrology, or good luck charms, etc. The problem is
that we're so happy when something works, we don't bother exploring
any further. We even end up fighting over it. Many times, we try
to force our opinions on others.
These days, with internet,
it's becoming more and more popular to fall victim to this. More
and more people are becoming connected, more options and views
are out there, and so people are adopting more things too soon
and sticking to it. This is good in some aspects, but very bad
in others. Young people especially have this problem. Young people
these days are picking up more and more false beliefs and bad
habits, and sharing it with others. We all gotta be careful cause
we all do it. I know I sure do.
B.F. Skinner had a good
test related to this conditioning and reinforcement. Basically,
he had pigeons in cages. Inside the cages were doors that would
open and drop food. If a bird did something specific, the door
would open and food would come out. Therefore it learned to do
this anytime it wanted food. The problem occured when Skinner
had the doors programmed to open totally randomly. There was no
pattern or reason, it was all odds. However the birds did not
know this. Therefore, when one bird, for example turned its head
to the left and food came out, it was random, but the bird thought
it was a reward. It continued to do this hundreds of times, even
when food didn't drop. Another bird would jump back and forth
like an idiot for hours just because one time it worked. Through
tests, he found this behavior to be similar with all animals,
including humans.
Just like with religion,
and superstitions, we sometimes just believe things because it
works for us more often than not. When it's difficult to find
the answer, we adopt things even quicker. Hundreds of years ago
people knew the Earth was the center of the solar system.
People knew the Earth was flat. They couldnt prove anything,
so they just adopted popular beliefs, and condemned anyone who
thought otherwise. Now we look back at old religions and superstitions
and laugh at them. However, I think in hundreds of years people
will be laughing at us. Afterall, if we don't have enough PROOF,
then why are we putting so much faith in things. How can every
religion, for example, know theirs is the correct one. These days,
especially, with so many ideas out there to explore, people are
adopting some ideas too quickly. Not many people are taking the
time to sit back and "think outside the box".
The other dangerous area
is in social aspects and opinions of others. People follow friends
opinions without exploring. So, even if people haven't met someone,
they judge them completely based off what others say. We should
spend more time and learn about people and it can stop crazy ass
things like shootings in school and whatnot.
I'm guilty of this. We're
all guilty of this. It's natural and we're born with it. It's
important to realize that we NEED this ability to survive. Sometimes
shortcuts and assumptions are very important. However, we must
not use this behavior for everything. We must try our best to
explore more.
There are certain instances,
though, where we must adopt certain beliefs. Faith in things,
where proof does not exist, can be important, but we must be careful.
I'll talk about that next time, perhaps.
|
March
24th 2008 - More than meets the eye
I've been studying about
eyes. Amazing stuff. I'll talk more about it sometime. Starting
learning though cause I realized I don't pay enough attention to
something so important. i never notice eyes. i'm a mouth person.
maybe cause my dad is a dentist, its programmed into me, haha.
My car is slowly getting
better each day. I swear i'm the only one who knows how to take
care of it.. or wants to haa.
Also kinda addicted
to "America's Best Dance Crew" on MTV. I love JabbaWockeez
XD! haha. Watching kinda makes me wanna learn how to dance. doubt
I'd ever use it in a club. Still, seems like fun and good exercise.
Like my Parkour hobby in Japan. Hopefully dancing won't dislocate
my shoulder though XD.
Today's thought goes
along with the eye study. It's about being more personal with people:
Disconnective connectivity
The internet is a wonderful tool for connecting the world. This
has so many amazing benefits, but some drawbacks as well. There
aren't many official documents studying internet and sociology,
and esp pyschology, but I made a few observations on my own. Here
are some problems I've found with the Internet and connectivity:
Emo:
Emo is a phase that, i THINK, is dying now thankfully.
Emo refers to people who bitch a lot, basically. It's mostly
teenagers, somewhat resembling goth who just complain about
how much pain is in the world. Bands sing about teen angst,
and so forth. I was very "Emo" for awhile, ha. I grew
out of it quickly, thankfully, thanks to some random people.
Emo is a phase
that couldn't be possible without the Internet. It's because kids
can connect with each other and realize, "omg we feel the
same pain"... No shit, morons. It's like I talked about before,
how we're all the same. When [slightly] older people were kids,
we couldn't talk about shit with so many people. So, we learned
to get over it on our own. We grew up. We learn from pain. Anyway
that's why older people hate the emo teens. We all lived it, we
all got over it. They're too busy gathering together agreeing
the world sucks though. Southpark had a great view of it in this
episode, titled, "Raisins". Since
everyone picks on emo kids, they'll probably stop their bitching
and grow up like the rest of us.
Internet Geniuses:
I hate these people, also known as "haters"
on sites like Youtube and whatnot. I label them "Internet
Geniuses" because they think they know everything.
Being able to voice your opinion has led people to think they
know everything and tell other people theyre stupid.
Internet Idiots:
These are gullable people who believe anything
they see or read. They fall victim to "Internet Geniuses"
and other false info. Wikipedia and other such sites inadvertently
add to the problem. This is a really huge problem because, as
humans, most of us are idiots like this in some way. We hear
or read false info and take it as fact. We don't like taking
time to study and learn all the sides, and understand what's
credible. Plus, the younger, the dumber. I'll talk of this later,
perhaps in my next post. It reminds me of studies by B.F. Skinner.
Richard Dawkins' and Derren Brown's
ideas go a bit with this topic too.
Soul-Eater sites:
Myspace, Facebook, chatting, etc kill souls.
They make people zombies. People have no idea how to truly interact
with people, because they're losing more and more personal info.
Talking on the phone sucks cause you can't see the person. Chatting
sucks cause you can't hear the person. Now people aren't even
talking in real time. People are becoming less and less personal
and they're totally forgetting how to function in society. I've
met many people through the internet, and there are a bunch
of fake mindless idiots. Get out people, learn how to talk to
a human, not a fucking computer. Geez. Sadly, though, we all
dislike confrontation in a way. Plus, I have met plenty of cool,
down-to-Earth people too.
|
March
22nd 2008 - One step forward, Two steps back
After 2.5 months of
waiting, i FINALLY got my car back! But, as usual there's a catch.
it was actually in the worst condition ever-_-! i was soooo depressed.
but i worked on it for 6 hrs straight and fixed most of the problems
myself. in one day i think i helped it more than the shop, ha. i
changed the brakes, wheels, did some body work, and adjusted some
things on the engine. still, there's a loooong way to go. i can't
wait till its in top shape again. hopefully by summer.
not much other news.
keep losing time to study. seems no matter how much progress i make,
it's never enough. but i'm never worried. just take one day at a
time. feeling comfortable.
The idea of advancing,
then falling back led me to todays thought:
Tears in rain
I have a strong fascination with history. One thing that is very
obvious is that history repeats itself. That's a common saying.
Due to this, we should do our best to study and understand our
past. However, the other obviously big problem is how much is
lost throughout history. We assume people of the past
were less intellegent, or inferior, yet things such as the Pyramids,
the Great Wall of China, Stonehenge, etc. remain mysteries. We
claim ancient societies didn't have proper knowledge, but the
proof is there in front of us. For so many of history's great
achievements, we don't know exactly how they were made, and in
some cases, why. And, for every unsolved mystery, there are thousands
that we never even know existed. So much is lost. It's the same
with individual lives.
We lose so much important
information in our life. Much of this is lost because it's in
a time we don't want to remember. Most people run from painful
experiences. That's just human nature. Many people face their
fears. Even that can be dangerous in extreme situations. Balance
is key. Unfortunitely, some important people in my life have run
from their pasts. I've always tried to face my problems. Even
when I run, I remember, and try to learn from past problems. One
thing you can compare life to is a fight. You can run for awhile,
but eventually you're gonna get trapped in a corner, and then
it's over. You either have to give up, or move forward and keep
fighting. Too many people just run from everything, and never
learn.
Like history, we tend to
forget problems, or treat them as something too big. Balance is
a key to everything, yet we get too extreme usually. Just like
people worry about being too fat, or try to be super fit. People
argue they are the best, or their problems are the worst. It's
hard to see middle ground. People who remember history, usually
only remember the bad things, or nothing at all. Just like the
secrets of the pyramids or maths and sciences of history. Metallurgy,
geometry, chemistry, biology, transportation, and technology are
all lost so often throughout history.
The saddest thing of all,
is that happy moments are so easily forgotten. We are so busy
complaining about pain and problems, that we overlook happy moments,
as if those moments are expected. We're so greedy, we feel life
is unfair when we have problems, forgetting fair means having
bad with the good. light with dark, life with death, and so on.
Pain, for me, isn't what
really happened in the past. I can handle that, with time. What
breaks my heart is what is lost. That doesn't come back. In relationships,
and in everything. I've achieved so much and enjoyed so much in
this life, but nobody will ever know it. Thankfully I know it,
so I'm content, but still it's sad things go without notice. I
don't like to brag much, so things remain secret. I wish people
would search more. Other people are too busy seeing problems,
they overlook the good. This happens in too many people, which
is why I try not to judge people until I know them more.
Relationships are the worst.
Not just love, but also between races, nationalities, etc. When
couples breakup, people try to erase the whole relationship. Some
people start erasing before it ends. They hide friends, keep secrets,
etc. They're almost giving up before it's even over. But 90% of
couples seem to erase everything when it's over. This is sad.
It's the same with war, and everything in history. People erase
a whole lifetime, including the good.
I keep memories and even
gifts, etc from all walks of life. This inlcudes past girlfriends.
I no longer treat them special. I don't use them or even look
at them often. Still, new girlfriends get angry. Many guys and
girls alike share this around the world. They feel like, once
a relationship is over, you must burn everything and move on.
But.. if we do that, what do we learn about ourselves? The answer
is nothing. I will continue to cherrish my past,
no matter how painful. It has made me who I am and helped me grow,
even if it wasn't by much. New girlfriends have to trust me, as
I would them. That's childish to get jealous. It's human, but
childish. You have to learn to trust. If you don't trust, you're
already doomed, because you didn't learn. Of course I will never
go back to old girlfriends, because I learned from them. I learned
I can't trust them, or that we just won't work, for whatever reason.
Of course every relationship is different. Anyway this burning
of the past or starting a new life is what I dislike about human
nature. It's very refreshing, but it's limiting our potential.
In conclusion, I want to
end how I began this exerpt. As you see, the title is "Tears
in rain". I got this poetic line from the wonderful
movie, "Blade Runner", a pop culture classic.
It's about a group of renegade cyborgs who revolt against their
creators because they put an 'expiration date' on them, so to
speak. For safety, the cyborgs are programmed to "die"
after 5 years. Because of this, they search for an answer, like
we all do when we face death. In the end, the antagonist, Rutger
Hauer, catches the protagonist, Harrison Ford, but rather than
kill him, he shares his thoughts. Although it's a bit sci-fi,
I think it's so moving and sums up perfectly what I'm talking
about here. Watch for yourself and you'll understand:
I'm sure we all have something similar to share,
if just we change the words. I have a million things I could say,
about family, about love, about hobbies, travel, driving etc.
For now though, I will simply give an example I think of often,
because it was the biggest chunk erased from my life: "We shared moments most people we know
will never realize existed. From the beginning, freezing for hours
to take pictures of ice, just to be in each others' presence.
We sat on stacked furniture, just so we could see the snow fall.
Thousands of moments, and 5 yrs of our lives, will be lost.. in
time.. like tears in rain."
I don't mind losing or feeling pain. Pain heals.
The terrible thing is when other people take away a chunk of history
that helped more than one person grow so much. It's such a waste.
Nobody will know this time was even there. It's.. history.. but
not even that.
When we drive, we keep moving forward. All cars
have rearview mirrors. If you look in them too long, you will
lose sight of the road ahead, and you will crash. If you don't
look in them at all, whatever is behind you might catch up and
crash into you. Remember your past, everyone. Don't be affraid
of looking back, as long as it doesn't stop you from moving forward.
Learn, grow, and enjoy the ride.
|
March
17th 2008 - I am an Earthling
First off, The last
couple days sucked ass. Though the fundraiser for Ty was a success,
some things that night kinda pissed me off. Today I picked up 2
extra shifts at work and it was so damned busy and annoying, ha.
Plus, of course my freakin' car isn't done. I'm so sick of unreliable
companies.
On a more upbeat note,
I'm thinking even more now, as if i didn't enough before, ha. One
thing I think about is how I can't stay in one place. Now that I've
traveled the world and seen so many things, I just wanna keep moving
and learning, meeting new people, and discovering the world. Hopefully
I can make a difference in peoples' lives. If nothing else, people
will surely make a difference in mine. I have no one place i call
home now. Of course it's mostly America. Still travel is important
to me. I'll settle down eventually. But I never want to stop traveling.
Wherever I go I pick up something from each culture. I find myself
supporting them and feeling the culture as another part of me. of
course I'm mostly American since I spent most of my life here. Still,
since i just wanna travel more and learn more about people, cultures,
and the world, and since I see the world adapting and globalizing,
i can only see myself as an earthling, ha. However, if we ever start
space travel in my lifetime that may change too.
And now as promised,
its time for the thought of the day, a continuation of the last
one.
We are all the
same
This is the topic I've been emphasizing more and more these days.
The more I study and learn and travel and see other cultures;
the more I study psychology, sociology, religion, biology, and
even history, the more this fact shines through. I could easily
write a whole book on this idea alone, and perhaps will someday.
For now, I'll try to emphasize the main points. Even in summary,
this will be perhaps the longest post you'll see me write...
Humans, by nature, want
to be indviduals, and they'll fight more than anything to prove
it. From our religious beliefs, to our wardrobe, to our hobbies,
and even something as simple as movie opinions we strive to prove
our individuality. Perhaps it's because our subconscious knows
deep down that we're not individuals. This is why trends develop,
and the need to be the 1st at something, though that 1st doesn't
last long at all. We are all the same, or at least the basis of
our chemistry is. Whether it be our personality, heredity, pre-programmed
behavior, or even down to our DNA. Even animals share most traits
that humans do. Our "individuality" relies on the order
of what we unlock within ourselves. It is shaped by our environment,
families, teachers, and experiences. Humans have an ultimate program,
and our brains, for example, are super computers.
The brain is a tremendous
force to be reckoned with. It soaks in more info than we could
ever imagine or comprehend. From the moment we're born it's working
to understand the world. We all have basically the same potential,
but the order in which we learn and how much we retain is different.
So though our potential is virtually identical, the path we take
there and where we are at any given time, is what defines our
individuality. The mind, though, holds most of our potential.
It has so many abilities.
What some people don't
realize is that we don't have powers to see the future or to be
psychic. These "powers" are just illusions, or tricks
of the mind. They are accurate guesses based off of pre-learned
information or simply mis-direction of the logical part of our
brain. The brain cannot do things that are not already learned
(this includes hereditary memory which I won't get into now).
One great example of this was in a blind patient, who got their
sight back. In one case I saw, a man underwent a surgery to restore
eyesight he lost when he was a child. He lived for more than 25
yrs with no sight. Once he could see again, he saw everything
a normal person does, but he was still blind, in a way. Basically,
although he could see everything, he had no idea what anything
was. His brain never learned how to see the world through his
eyes. He didnt know the difference between a smile and a frown.
He couldnt judge distance or height of objects, and so he still
can't function without a cane or help. It's the same with dreams.
When people dream they
sometimes think it's a key to the future. Really, we are processing
all the info we've learned and filing it. We're not looking at
the future. If anyting, it's what we want the future
to be: Perhaps it's a strategy or game plan for you to think about.
In the case of nightmares, it's what we fear the future
to be. Still it cannot process what it hasn't learned. We need
sleep so that it can do this. Dreams are simply a collection of
what the brain has learned and trying to organize and make sense
of it. I'll talk a lot more about dreams another time.
One interesting thing that
makes us similar is DNA. Although all DNA differs, all the variables
are the same. The difference is the order, ammount, and type.
For example, to engineer a dinosaur, scientists are testing with
birds. In small birds, just by changing one variable they have
successfully been able to change feathers to scales, wings to
hands, extend their tails, and even grow teeth! I think humans
are the same. Overall, most living things share an overall program
with different variables. It's a lot like video game characters
(sorry to all those who don't play video games). For example,
in sports games they let you create your own player. There are
many variables to make your character unique. However, there are
only a limited amount of variables. Everyone's potential is pre-programmed.
It's a lot like the real world. The only difference is that our
potential is enormous. We've perhaps only tapped into 1/10,000,000
of it. It's impossible to tell at this point.
Aliens are a fun idea to
throw in here. Although I'm not saying the stereotypical alien
we see in movies have been discovered, I do think it's ironic
that they always come sharing the same appearance, height, body
features, etc. They usually are telepathic and are impossible
to distinguish. Perhaps this is what we are to expect from our
future. Once we reach our full potential we'll grow more and more
alike. Don't worry though, there is still much room to forever
be different in some way from one another. More on that later...
The biggest area we need
to see is that emotionally, mentally, and physically we are all
the same. Humans, among cultures and countries are all the same.
I see this more and more as I try to discover why we do things
and how we behave. Also as I learn other cultures that are totally
different I see underlying similarities. The important thing to
look at isn't how or what, but why.
Feelings are the things
that drive individuality. However, as much as we fight, love,
hate, etc. it's all the same. While one person loses a cat, and
another loses their child, they may feel the same amount of sadness.
EVERYONE feels the same amount of sadness, stress, hope, etc in
their life. The only difference in extremity is what society labels.
Without these labels, we couldn't say who has worse experiences.
We can't feel each others' pain. An example I like to use is with
children. When a child falls, even though it hurts, they don't
always cry. When they see their mother freak out and try to console
them, THEN they realize they're in pain, and begin to cry. If
the mother acknowledges the child, looks them in the eye, and
laughs or disregards it, the baby will often stop caring as well.
It judges how extreme the situation is by the reaction of his/her
mother.
We must never judge people
on how bad their lives are. As with anything, we try to compete
to see who had worse experiences. The truth, though, is that we've
all had equally terrible lives in our own eyes and equally impressive
lives. The need to compete is our way of fighting the inevitable
equality of everyone. In the end, whether we like to admit it
or not, we are all the same. It's important we realize that. Once
we do, we can start to solve our problems. Those who learn it
can start to predict things better.
Perhaps my favorite quote
comes from the most amazing man I've ever known. He knew more
about the human mind than most people in history. Once I heard
him say, "Perhaps the most predictible thing about humans,
is that we want to believe we're not predictible". This sums
everything up, I believe. We are all the same, and therefore incredibly
predictible. The more we know about human nature, the more we
can predict how others will react. Our need to be unique is just
proving it more. Ironically, this keeps us from being perfect.
It keeps us from solving our problems and reaching our full potential.
Thus, we end up being individual and unique afterall, in just
a small way. This proves the most amazing thing about the mind.
If we want something, we can achieve it, whether we realize it
or not.
These are just some of
the main points of my research. I will draw upon them further
in the future. For now, I just had to say what was on my mind.
Hopefully it gets on other people's minds too, and the world keeps
turning. I'm out. Peace.
|
March
11th 2008 - Snow, gas, and stupid kids
Over the weekend we
had a record snowstorm. On saturday it was actually illegal to drive
unless it was an emergency, ha. i just stayed home and chilled (stupid
pun, sorry). This week.. um.. nothing is special so far. Hopefully
will get my car back, now that gas prices are $3.45/gallon. wtf!!
ugggg gas is stupid-_-. my car will run on poop someday. but i dont
think i can poop enough. now i really wanna work hard and promoting
hydrogen cell race cars and alternative fuel vehicles. they suck
ass, but with competition, they'll improve. the sooner the better.
lets take the fortune away from the oil tycoons.
ok time for the daily
thought:
The ignorance of
youth.
Being at an age between childhood and middle-age, I can now look
at both sides with reasonable objectivity. It's no secret that
kids hate parents, in a way. Parents and adults annoy, anger,
embarass, and confuse kids. The problem, is that kids always claim
parents don't understand them. It's shocking to think such a thing.
They don't realize the parents understand them completely, because
they, too, were once kids. They are strict with kids because they
want to protect them, because they made many mistakes and don't
want to see their kids make the same. We can't go back in time
to fix our lives, so all we can do is prepare the next generation.
The only problem is that parents forget 2 things. 1) mistakes
are what help us grow, and 2) that kids are stubborn little bastards,
ha. Nobody likes to be told what to do. Plus, kids have an overwhelming
need to be individuals and independent. The ironic thing is that
humans are the furthest thing from that. More on that thought
next time...
|
March
8th 2008 - Poker Face
Not much new this week.
Next week will be Ty's Fundraiser. and hopefully will finally get
my car back. other than that i'm trying to get my damn money from
nova. thankfully i already accounted it as a loss so if i get it,
its a bonus, ha^^. not expecting much though. thankfully i'm not
too worried about money still.
And now time for the
thought for the day:
Sometimes you have
to lose to win.
When you get cheated, it's natural to kick and scream. When you
lose at something you worked hard for and wanted more than anything,
in an unfair and unexpected way, you go crazy: When you do what
you're supposed to, but still fail, you complain. The harder you
crash, the more you wanna cry. That's human nature. However, while
it helps relieve your stress, it brings resentment toward you.
When you complain to a
good friend, they can comfort you. In this case, its ok to vent.
people really do care sometimes. empathy is natural. however anything
less than the closest friend, will still leave much chance to
be judged in a negative way. especially if you worry or complain
too much. sadly, even if your whole life is a wreck, you can only
complain briefly and to only a select few people. negativity breeds
negativity. you end up losing even more if you're not careful.
this goes somewhat in hand with what i said about being humble
in the last post.
It's so hard to do, almost
impossible, especially if your whole life is lost in an instant.
still, you can't complain or you lose completely. life's not fair
and thats the hardest thing to accept. its a lot like poker. i
compare life to many things. i have about 20 or more things i
relate life to (and that does NOT include a "box of chocolates"
hahaXD). one of the best analogies is that of poker, especially
for social problems.
In poker, having the best
hand doesn't always win. Poker is a game of deception, trust,
hope, luck, and mostly the ability to read other players, and
more importantly, knowing how to play your hand accordingly. The
song, The Gambler states some of
the best points: "You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when
to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run": "Every
hand's a winner, and every hand's a loser".
In life, you have to know
when to fold. Even if you have the best hand, betting too high
will scare other players off. There are so many factors you have
to pay attention to. If you lose a game with a friend, you can't
complain cause you'll sound like a bigger loser. When you fail
a test cause of misinformation, and argue it, the teacher will
just become more biased against you. When you breakup with a bf/gf
you can't argue, cause it'll just make them angry and feel they
were right for what they did, even if what they did was horrible.
This isn't always the case, but that's why it's like poker. You
have to be extra careful of how you play the hand and how much
you gamble.
For the most part, whether
its a competition or a game, or a relationship, you can't yell
"cheater cheater they cheated!", you just have to hope
the cards are in your favor. Life is poker. you gotta know when
to walk away. When to give up. Pride is good, but knowledge is
power. You gotta know when to fold'em. sometimes you have no choice.
sometimes you gotta lose in order to win. its so hard. it sucks
ass. but that's life. Just get ready for the next hand life deals
you. If you have even one chip left on the table, you're in the
game. Learn the game, and you'll win eventually.
|
March
3rd 2008 - Busy, busy
Well once again i put
off updating this thing. 1 reason is cause I've been really busy
with work, doing several jobs and planning several others. Also
I've been job hunting, but not so much the past couple weeks since
ive been busy with everything else. Hopefully my small jobs ive
been doing turn to big jobs, but if not i have an open ticket back
to asia, good until feb 2009. i've covered all my angles but getting
to my objective takes time.
Another reason i havent
updated is cause too much is on my mind. i said last post that i
will start putting my thoughts and observations on this thing. but
i just have too many. i'm studying nonstop and learning and thinking
more than ever so i just cant get it all down. so i'll work slowly.
i'll pick 1 random thought a day perhaps, out of the dozens. todays
thought:
Being
humble
I always grew up believing it's better to teach a man to fish,
than give a man a fish. I think people should learn how to be
independent. It's what i've done all my life: In all my relationships,
esp with love, i attempt to teach ppl to make them independent,
rather than just make them happy. I don't want a weak gf who needs
me to do everything. I don't want a scared weak child or even
parents who giveup thinking theyre too old. I want people I care
about to learn and grow, just as i have. i love learning and want
others to be proud of themselves, as i always have been of myself.
The problem I've found
is that all this time, I've been victim to an unforseen outcome
of that: Selfishness. Selfishness ensues on account of both parties
when you "teach a man to fish". whether it be children
rebelling against parents, the fact that nobody likes to be told
anything, or simply the need for people to strive to be the best
and compete, even against their mentors. the mentor, too, however
is selfish. this is because the person they taught forgets who
taught them, and sometimes rebels against them, leading to a feeling
of resentment. the teacher feels cheated, and that they are owed
acknowledgement. this, too, is selfish.
When you "give a man
a fish", that person is grateful. they always remember who
gave it to them. they bear no ill feelings, and, even if they
do, they still have that memory of a good moment. although they
learn nothing, and will look for other people to 'feed' them too,
at least they do not rebel. at least they stay happy and dont
run away or discard the memories.
So, is it better to "give
a man a fish", or to "teach a man to fish"? I kind
of like the idea of giving now, cause it's less depressing, ha.
but it shouldn't matter if you're humble enough. although giving
a man a fish is less stressful for sure, i think both are fine
now, but its conditional. if you "give a man a fish",
then be prepared with the knowledge that you'll never be the one
who gave them the most. they will always look to others. if you
"teach a man to fish", then be humble enough to deal
with the rebellion. know they will forget you and all your words.
they will remember your teachings, but will not remember why,
or where it came from. like a parent watching a child grow. like
the cats and the cradle, and the silver spoon, little boy blue
and the man in the moon. just be happy knowing you gave them what
they needed for life. don't be selfish. we're all victim to the
loneliness and betrayal, but just know you're always one step
ahead. and make sure you keep moving forward as well.
